CAPTION CONTRAPTION #40:

How the f*ck should I know where Buster and Slinky are!!

kg

"It's not my fuckin' fault, who brings a bottle of bourbon to a party and just leaves it sitting around and doesn't expect someone to snag it and drink it?"

look, it's a simple as this: it's bam's friggin website and he'll change the photo when he damn well pleases...

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #39:

erich

Sven finally realizes that the picture is never going to change, so he puts on his hat, and walks off into the sunset. but promptly sliped into a worm hole as Buckweat prophetized, never to be heard from again.

Unc'
Where's my rifle!

The Administration

Bammy, we are fully prepared to offer you a 100% raise and a promotion to Senior VP of WebSite Affairs (what?) provided you are willing to change the picture.

Time for a whole 'nother picture. Talkin' Baby!!

Cummina Yeeeaaaaahhhhh HHHaaaaaaa!

Buckwheat Z.

Normally, I am's a pacifist. But if I have to stare at this scrawny, pasty white boy much longer, I'ma have to start kickin' some ass.

kg

Distraught by the fact that Bam will never change this photo we all decide to beat the snot out of Bam. "We" including Buckwheat Zydeco, Sven, and the guy that invented the internet. (Al Gore I believe)

Bam

Distraught by the fact that Bam will never change this photo, Sven wanders off and attempts to drown himself in the mighty South Branch of the Raritan, only to be rescued by 12,000 rubber duckies.

Sven is definitely on the lookout for a new photo...

Bu'Wheat

Now who let this Cracka in?!

Bub Ulz

Covering his faux pas as expediently as possible, Billy Bo Jim Bob had realised that this was indeed an inappropriate time to wear his hood and robe.

Sven Franz struggles to keep a lid on a dangerous situation as the music of Buckwheat Zydeco provokes cotton garments to eminate from his skull.

The frightening reality is that his shorts are under that hat as well.

Unc'

Sven soon found out the hard way that the french foreign legion was not all about zydeco music, Duped again!

erich

little did buckwheat know that sven really didn't know sign language and just scammed him for a front row seat and free beer at the pototoe fest.

Buckwheat

Thank you ladies and gent'men, my name is Buckwh.... What the...oh lordy lord. For chrissakes, people. Someone get dis po white boy a sammich 'fore he slips in a worm hole!!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #38:

jujyfruits make me poop. Yaaaaaay!

I get knocked down, but I get up again... Nothin's gonna keep me down... I get knocked down, but I get up again... Nothin's gonna keep me down... He drinks whisky drink, he drinks a vodka drink, he drinks a cider drink, he drinks a lager drink, he sings songs that remind him of the good times, he sings songs that remind him of the best times... Oh Ely-Ott! Ely-Ott! Ely-OOOOOOOTT!!!

Bams on Vacation

Stale photo

12 beers - free jujyfruits T-shirt - free caught sleeping with a pretzel under your arm - PRICELESS

dfng

After drinking several of the delicious "Ales" given to him by his evil aunt Carolann, Eliott fell into a deep coma like sleep, and there he stayed until the spell was broken by Buckwheat Zydeco's stirring rendition of "Hey good lookin', Whatcha got cookin'".

I'm not drunk, I'm overserved

note to self...do not leave hot pretzel under sleeping drunk's elbow...

For Bukaki, the sumo wrestler, a sponsorship from Jujyfruit meant he finally would be able to afford to fatten up.

erich

jujyfruit, the official candy of alcoholics everywhere.

Rough night Elliot??

the ill effects of a jujyfruit hangover.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #37:

I think I had one too many Vodka and Grapefruits!

... and when she said, 'Shut the fuck up!!!' I really thought she was talking to me...

grvz

Having grown tired from fooling everybody for years,Peewee Herman gets ready to pull off his Judd mask and reveal himself once and for all!

kg

"I wonder why Bam has not changed this yet"

'scuse me...would you happen to know how i can get out of easton?

does this look infected to you?

third verse...third verse..screw it I'll just sing the second verse again...wait I did that twice already........hey, who's this on the pogo stick?

grvz

I had nothing to do with the,,,wait a minute,did I have anything to do the? hmmmm!,,,.I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE HUCKLEBUCK,,,I THINK!!!

kg

Now where did I put my wallet, my keys, my smokes, my drink, my shoes, my clothes, my car, etc... hey where the fuck is my etcetra?!?!?!?!?!?

kg

the phrase "handsome genius" comes to mind

abraham drinkin

four score and 7 vodka grapefruits ago...

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #36:

Hows that Bammy?

KG

Three distinctly different reactions to the surprise Chippendales dancer at the last Dyer Weed show.

i'm gonna keep this thing out until someone writes a new caption.

brian and rene express their extreme disappointment that repeated warnings of "stop it or your face will freeze like that" went unheeded

While some of the residents at Corky's Halfway House for the Neurologically Impaired were quite indifferent to new rules regarding chronic masturbation, Lisa was defiant until the end...

The grivvster

Sven demonstrates the ancient art of swedish poison blow darts.

Sven takes his long standing love affair with PVC piping a little to far.

riiiiiiiiiiiicolaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Wondering how the PVC pipe from Photo 27 got up Sven's ass? No, not really? TOO BAD?!!!

KG

Sven never could quite figure out how to use the telescope

didgery dufus

Billing himself as "the White Dizzy Gillespie", Sven Franz and his homemade flatula-phone never quite caught on with the general music-buying public. Yet Zamfir still sells albums. Go figure.

Bong anyone?

New Guy

Sven was having a hard time understanding the "...the whole world smiles with you " part.

Mrs. D'Annuzio, Mrs. Bridge, and Mrs. Franz

Faces only their mothers... could... er... um... uh... nevermind.

the photo that revolutionized birth control ads

Gowwwww-lly!

new guy

Sadly, the Gopher, Gomer, and Mr. Ferley show was canceled after only one episode.

Chris, Bam, and Svenny with funny looks on their faces

say, have you heard the one about the wanna-be pro golfer and the drunken norseman?

Bub Ulz

Chris was overjoyed when he found out that photo was about to be changed.

KG

Don't Jimmy and Carolann, and Joey, and Begosh look foolish!

BANANAS!

Look at me!!! I'M FANCY FREE!!! I'm like Bob Fossey! FOSSEY FOSSEY FOSSEY!

Bob sez:

The girls from 'The Price is Right:' Where are they now???!!!

Unc'

Goin' to the new barn but the ol' barn will do... Hey! What kind of barn is this?

julie

Ole! I am the red plastic cup master

KG

Joey and the Barn-Rats are discouraged with the government's legislated insistence that all newly formed street gangs adhere to strict quotas, including one gay coreographer.

Bub Ulz

Well, you tell by the way I use walk-- I'm a ladies' man-- no time for talk... Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Stayin' Alive Stayin' Alive Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Stayin' Aliiiiiiii-Hiiiiiiii-Hiiiiiiiii-Hiiiiiiiive I'M STAYIN' ALIVE!

sadly, in preparation for the duel, chris was completely unaware that his epee was replaced by a red plastic solo cup.

while they enjoyed the camaraderie, the bubbles amplifier search party came up empty

Bub Ulz

Eliott became inconsolable when he realized that this photo would not be replaced for FAR TOO LONG...

...if one more person calls me sam the bartender, i'm gonna throw these drunks on you!

We know the latest and greatest gossip of the bubble!! Elliot(thinking) Ugh, that makes me sick!!!

Da Bomb

Making your way in the world today takes everything you got. I'm taking a break with Dyer Weed, anyone got some POT? Wouldn't you like to jam in 'A'? Sometimes you wanna go where Sven Franz knows your name Man this caption's really lame You wanna be where you can see Judd's weiner is still the same You wanna be where Sven Franz knows your naaaaaaammmmmeee.

Grvz

Elliot:(thinking)OH,I really have to take a shit,NOW!..Sven:(thinking)I'm not wearing any underwear!..BAM BAM:(thinking)I wonder if anybody can notice that I just shit my underwear...

The Siamese triplets were generally happy and content excepting those moments when the one on the right became depressed having recently discovered that he, unlike the other two, was adopted.

Bub Ulz

Eliott: (thinking) Dude, I know I am wasted, but being in a picture with a grown and bearded man in a skirt and Herman Munster on his "Behind-the-Make-up Tour" is not going to make me new friends. God, I am stupid... STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!!!

after overcoming their personal el-guapos, the three amigos retired to a simple life of drinkin', hangin' out and cross-dressing.

after a severe case of mistaken identity in the men's room (see photo 31), an exhausted (yet obviously not entirely unhappy) sven is assisted back to his barstool.

grvz

"Aye,well slap me nards an kiss me blarney stones!How's the ol'bag an pipes?Would ye like to see me shamrock,laddy?"

Go cry yerself ta sleep on yer huge pilla'

Aye little Jimmy, would you like to play with me coque an' balls?

or me shelaylee?

wanna see my leprechaun?

Shan

Bubbles "You know Sven, the kneesocks really do make the outfit" Sven "Thanks babe, I was going to go with a strong white to match my shirt, however I thought a nice ecru would give the ensemble that little snap"

Where's the Beef??

KG
Bubbles takes the "beer goggles" concept to an astonishingly new level.

Harvey Goldberg

Sister, you were fantastic. The star of the show. Those other bums are just canon fodder. By the way, love the beard, great gimmick. Very butch. 13 year old girls from here to California are going to want one. Stick with me I'll take you straight to the top.

Who'd a figured?

As soon as Sven finally came out of the closet after all those years,Ed McMahn would be there to give Sven his million dollar check from Publishers clearing house

I'm not even going to try. Anything I put here is going to sound lame after that last post. Shan, you are the man.

Shan

"The Godfather meets Braveheart" A warming tale of two men from very different worlds and their friendship that survives the ages.

and thus, "pardon me ma'am, but do you have a light" became bubbles' last words.

Hair inspector?

Unc'

First prize winner in this years Rolling Stones Logo lookalike competition

at the auditions for the "whaasssssssuuuuuup" guys, joey somehow manages to flub his line.

... and if you think my tongue is long, wait 'til you see this!

grvz

COMING SOON to a shotbar near you,DYERWEED,with special appearance by JOE,singing all of WAYNE NEWTONS biggest hits!!!

Seeking one hit of acid, any shape will do!

FNG

Proof that a Dyer Weed show contributes to hearing loss. What Gina Said: Joe, I think Sven looks swanky in a plaid skirt. What Joe heard: Joe, I like when you spank me, I'm a bad girl.

Unc'

Joe and Gina hours before what was to be the Great Turnosky Brothers Tumble.

gvz

"At first I was gonna give her a wet willie,but with the help of this Molson,I'm gonna lick her entire face!!"

HAH!! HA HA HA HAH!!!

Bub Ulz

Gina (thinking): Yep, I am sitting next to a freak... No f*cking way I'm getting any action tonight. I wonder if thorazine works like Viagra? Hmmmmm...

humma la baby la zeeba la bop!

I've got a wood holder thingy....And I'm not afraid to use it!

YAR! It's six-pence a gig or I'll brain ya, scalliwag.

*Grivvus Dickus* and Svencontinentia Buttox

A little light in the loafers??

Are they the Biggus Dickus Badger hunting company?

If a gaggle of randy badgers has taken over your fire place, call us...Grivvus Maximus, and Svencontinentia Buttox. We get the badgers out.

Willie Wonka

Oompa! Oompa! Oopady! Doo! I've got another story for you! You can live in happiness too, like the Oompa Loompa Doopadies Do! What do you get when your pot has run out? Scraping and swabbing-- try to get more resin out! Smoke up the tar-- you'll get a headache fast! Until that day comes WHEN... YOU... CAN... replace your stash! Oompa! Oompa! Oopady! Doo! Like the Oompa Loompa Doompa Doopadies DOOOOOO!!!

Caption Contraption #28 Does that Mermaid have genitalia???

#28 Does that Mermaid have Genitalia???

YODA?!?! Who you F*cking calling Yoda...why does he get to play LUKE and I have to be the shriveled up troll?

Sven was the star of Mary Poppins, playing the role of the loveable chimney sweep Burt....Grivvy, the disgruntled understudy.

Grivvy prepares to bludgeon Sven as he perfoms the Svedish version of "TIP TOE THROUGH THE TULIPS"

Bub Ulz

Say Grivvy, do you like to watch gladiator movies?

Sven and Griv arm themselves against the imminent invasion of the underware gnomes

"Look, I really am trying to be a nice guy, but don't touch the guitar man"

Grivvy exhibits ultimate courage as he defends the last morsels of a played out corner-bag

We are the knights the say NEEEEEEE!!!

Unc'

Having defeated the British forces at Stirling Bridge, William Wallace takes time for a photo op. Hey! who brought the layed back Viking?

Grivvy reluctantly plays the part of the Black Knight

sadly, Grivvbert and Svenivan's Pirates of Penzance received less than enthusiastic reviews and the curtains soon closed for good.

erich

you know, this would make a good great marketing photo. now just for what? beer? no. cubical walls? no. breakfast cereal, hmmmm....

The Three Amigos peek inside Bam Bam's cubicle to see what the next Caption Contraption Photo might be...

The recording session ended abruptly when the fellas decided it would be a good idea to simultaneously lick the metal trim of this frozen sound-proofing panel.

Busted!

Although they didn't think their reputation could withstand actual membership at the famed San Francisco bathhouse, these poor latent souls just couldn't keep away.

Dude

To overcome their fear of Adults, Sven, Bubbles, and Grivvy employ a technique that has helped countless children, know as the the "Peek-a-Boo" technique.

Unc'

OPERATION DESERT SHIELD.

The good, the bad, and the WHOAH, THAT'S ONE UGLY SON-UVA-BITCH!!!

Unc'

Thier cloths having been stolen by highwaymen, Bubbles, Griv, and Sven hurridly make thier way down the street using a discarded piece of cubical to cover their manhood

grvz

See no weed,hear no weed, speak no weed...got any?

grvz

Killroy was here,then bubulz,griv,and sven killed him.

Crack whores!

Bub Ulz

Bubz, Grivz, and Sven find themselves a perfect vantage point at the Samoan Weight-Watchers Nudist Camp.

Unc'

Dyer Weed wack a mole.

the geniuses of dyer weed carefully plot their escape to 'the other side of this orange wall'

Bub Ulz

Boy, they weren't kidding when they said a 10' length of PVC pipe stuck up your ass would hurt! But did I listen... NOOOOO! Krohn's disease?! HA! That's for pussies-- try taking a dump with pipe up your ass!!! I SHIT LUCENT LOGOS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!! Do I get a benefit concert? HELL NO! I am getting fucking sued for copyright infringement! My ass hurts and I am not sure if it's from the goddamn pipe or the lawyers taking turns screwing me in the ass! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

grvz

Could ya please pass the jelly?

grvz

Excuse me,but would you Please stop standig on my hemorrhoid!

Unc'

NOOOOOO!!!! The pvc pipe stays right where it is!! As for the rest, well, sure!

Sven

A new picture would go a long way to brighten my spirits... and a beer... and some money... and the motivation to remove that PVC pipe from my truck's roof... and the hiring of a professional to finish my bathroom so I can take credit for the work...

Bub Ulz

Hmmmmm... wait a second... farts aren't... lumpy...

g

hmmm,maybe that wasn't a raisinet...

Unc'

I have nothing to say.

again with the spam, tab?

Cletus "Cheesecutter" McGee clears yet another room

Bass player Sven Franz,discovers the mysterious"brown note".

Baketball player Dale Davis expresses his disappointment at his recent loss of pigment.

anyone seen my liver? tell him i miss him, would ya? thanks

dog faced boy

got diarrhea?

say wha? island time?? uuuugh.

Pppppppttttttttttpppppppppppp!!! beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans BEANS!

i aint got nobody.

B: "What big eyes you have, grandma!" C: "The better to see you with, my dear!" B: "What a nice beer and camcorder you have, grandma!" C: "The better to take advantage of you and make kiddie porn for bored husbands in Thailand!!!"

kg

either Christian is maniacally pleased that he has been turned into giant, or Billy is likewise displeased that he has been rendered a dwarf. or both.

Unc'

In what would become known as the "horrible Prouty, D'Annunzio chronicals," yet another chapter unfolds as Chris demonstrates his ability to dump a cigarette laden beer down Billy's back, video tape the whole event, and yet still manage to laugh feindishly to scare off horrified children present at the time

Whooo! hah! hah! hah! With this camcorder and beer I shall rule the world!!! Whooo! hah! hah! hah!

Tracey?... oh god - please tell me that's you with my hot dog!!!

Hark, but soft, what light through yonder....shit it's the middle of the day. What the fuck you want, Bitch?

i'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it yuuuuuuuurts. woops, sorry....huuuuurrrts.

Unc'

Whats that? You say it's time to change the picture?

do you hear what i hear do you hear what i hear... a drunk, a drunk drunken as a skunk with a liver as big as a cow with a liver as biiig as a cooooowwwwwwwwww

Grvz

"The hills are alive,with the sound of music!",Indeed,the hills were alive with the sound of music that day,if only you were there to hear Sven sing it far better than Sandy Duncan.OOHH!what raw talent.The only thing better than this was the pirouettes that followed!

Unc'

You are a shirtaphobe. You don't have the cajones to wear a shirt like this. Your afraid that if you do, you'll look silly. And deep down inside, your afraid that you just might be silly, which would explain all the silly tendancies you've been trying to supress. Well, your not fooling anyone, Sillyboy.

Christopher Lowell

There are just soooo many reasons that shirt is not ok... I am calling my fabulous fashion police friends to issue you a citation...

Sven doing his Hulk Hogan impersonation for some unimpressed 8 year old girls...

Hey, Svenny, if my thuper (and thanks for asking) fashion conscious younger brother says that shirt sucks, well, then you've got serious problems...

The real Bub Ulz of the Ballentine Family

God I hope you were REALLY drunk when you left the house with that fucking ugly ass shirt! WHAT THE FUCK MAN?!?

kg

Sven attempts to prove his theory that if he bangs on the back of his own head hard enough an egg will come out of his mouth.

Unc'

WHAT?

Bub Ulz

My name is Sheronda and I think you look mah-velous... Smashing really! You know it's quite difficult being sooo hot... That's why I am wearing this GOD AWFUL SHIRT!!!

i'm gonna live forever...i'm gonna learn how to fly. FAME!!!

"Everybody was Kung Fu fightin' - Karl Dietel was fast as lightnin'"

Once again, Bam Bam proves that Karl is his bitch.

Unc' - Concert Holligans

Unc'

Bamm Bamm thought he was saving Karl the trouble of having to lugg all his heavy equipment around by hitting them with his infamous shrinking machine. When Karl voiced his displeasure to the fact that his keys were rendered unplayable, Bamm suddenly turned violent.

Unc'

When Drummer Attack! Next on Fox.

Unc'

Having been mugged by mild mannered, headphone wearing hooligans before, Bamm Bamm finally decides enough is enough and takes matters into his own hands.

Cowering Karl, Hitting Bam Bam

This day in DW history: May 17, 2001... citing 'artistic differences' and 'irreparable liver damage' as his deciding factors, Karl "KD Fingers" Dietel announces his retirement from the band and is swiftly beaten to a bloody stump with a 1978 Bee-Gee's synthesiser

Unc.

Bubbles "Brian the Wonder Weasle" Ballentine, former member of the Exausted Possibility Explorers, gives us a sighn that all the possibilites have indeed been explored regarding this photo.

Bub Ulz

Get this picture-- OUTTA HERE!!!

Unc'

Bubbles give a big thumbs up to the idea that Bamm will eventually change the caption contraption photo.

push the elevetor button....

world's number 1 schlitz fan.

Scenes from the Washed Up Umpires Wing of the Betty Ford Clinic

Next on Springer: When brothers fuck sisters...

WHOOO--WEEE!!! You look as fine as May wine, darlin'. Come over here 'n I'll take you on the road with me-- we'll live the high life-- traveling to all the truckstops across the country, cross-burnin's every weekend, a lard/pork/prepackaged-food diet, and I'll sing Jonny Cash to you every night... Hell, 'n every three weeks we'll be back at my double-wide gittin' it on!

TIMMMAAAYYYY!!!!

The only thing missing from this picture is Steve sreaming at me... and that leg of lamb... oh yeah, it's hidden in my chins. Hey Heather... WHO'S YOUR DADDY? WHO'S YOUR BABY? WHO'S YOUR BUDDY? WHO'S YOUR MAN!

grvz

Farmer "Stinky Thumbs Arbuckle",famous cultivator of svens,chins,and dental floss,poses here with his best friend,his thumb

Unc'

After the failed test flight of the x-1 super jet, Bubbles assures his commanders that he's willing to give it another run. Wait! Is he drunk!?

Bubbles, exhibiting his ex CIA agent/Grand Wizard of the KKK look, proves without a doubt that he has finally pulled his thumb out of his ass! Wait a second! Where is his other thumb?

gt

Bubbles assures a distressed crowd awaiting his return from the bathroom that "everything is just fine".

Double Bubble

introducing...Roscoe P. Coletaint

Some say they march to the beat of a different drummer-- I say they have a whole percussion section unto their own!

marching to the beat of their own drummer. wait a minute...where the hell is the drummer!?

Bub Ulz

President-elect Andrew Decker begins auditioning new guards for his Secret Service staff. Competition is fierce. Tensions run high. And Judd needs to never EVER wear that hat in public again!

No one can walk fast enough after Andy Decker carelessly cuts the cheese

leaving their weapons and suits at home, mr pink, mr blue, mr brown and mr white enjoy a day in the park

unca'

cut my head off! why I outta donkey slap your sister.

Bam

Every time Sven complains about the website, I have an irresistable urge to run right over to his house and cut his friggin head off.

Sven

Every goddamn time I flip to this part of the website and see the same picture for what is seemingly just shy of eternity, I lose my f@&%ing head!!!

grvz

"BOIZ DEE BOIZ BOP!,ZIDDY BOP!,I-AINT GOT NO-BODY!!"

Sven misinterperets another road sign...sharp bend/over pass a head.

I would like to tell you that Sven's head came from this old guys butt, but in reality, Sven's head comes from some place much, much darker.

Bub Ulz

Farmer 'Stinky Thumbs' Arbuckle begins to harvest heads of Sven before the frost. See that pile over there-- you need lots of manure to fertilize for such vegetables... Yep, lots of pig shit, horse shit, chicken shit, cow shit, dog shit, and beer to grow a Sven. What holiday would be complete without Sven at your table? Stuffed Sven, Sven salad, Sven quiche, Sven pie... I mean Jesus! Svens are much, much better than yams or cabbages-- THEY CAN TALK!!! Just shut 'em up by stewing 'em. REMEMBER!!! Buy your heads of Sven at Farmer 'Stinky Thumbs' Arbuckle's TODAY!!!

unc'

Sven Franz moments before mans first attempt to shove his head up his own ass

Head Detective

He's getting away! Alright everyone, standard formation! Sgt. Bob, go Long! SIIYEED! FIITTY! HUT! HUT!

Head, Pants! NOW!

Erich

That's not what i meant when i said i wanted a little head.

OK - call it in the air...heads or tails?

KG

Although the ritual burial was indeed a success, and Svens soul was cleansed in the tradition of his glorious ancestors, he was glad all the same to have his old pal Melvin on hand to keep his ears warm.

Denis Leary

"We dance and we drink and we drink and we dance, we drink and we dance and they caught off our heads - we have no heads, we have no heads"

Denis Leary

"We dance and we drink and we drink and we dance, we drink and we dance and they caught off our heads - we have no heads, we have no heads"

Grivvy

10,29,42,hut,hut,HIKE!!

Unc'

Ah ha! That's what I did with my head! Now, has anybody seen my bass?

Bub Ulz

Guess Sven got a little carried away with Scottish history while over in Edinburgh...

one man's treasure is another man's refuse?

Dammit! Every time someone says 'shit head', I do!

Good one FF but if that hairdo is screwed down we're gonna need us a cordless drill and quick!

FoxFringe

Ziggy really sang, screwed up eyes and screwed down hairdo-like some cat from Japan. He played it left hand... (you know the song- it's all I could think of, sorry)

this is your guitarist...this is you guitarist on drugs...any questions?

Griv

Ya see?It goes to eleven,I,I just turn the thingy that way and,well,It goes to ELEVEN!!

KG

This is what happens when Lenny Kravitz mates with the woman who played Ethel on I Love Lucy

KG

Poor Grivvy plays on relentlessly, oblivious to the fact that no one in the audience is buying his new toupe

Unc'

I'm a hunka' hunka' burnin' love

Elvis Schmelvis. Who wants ice cream?

AWWW HAWWW HAWWW! A OUI OUI OUI!!! Dah-veeed does not know zat I have hiz guitarr inz my hand.

Sam

If only zey could see what I am holding just below ze bottom of ze picture...

jake

fromage?

I fart in your general direction

Bub Ulz

Silly Englishman! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!!! Now go away before I taunt you a second time!!!

Little does he know. Grivvy has his wallet.

C'mon just one more tab, I swear I'm not getting off!

unc'

1.21 giggawatts?

Jacob is quite self satisfied after demonstrating the true origin of the term "French tickler" to the slightly embarassed (yet not entirely unimpressed) Grivvy.

would you buy a used ANYTHING from this man??

NG

Budweiser presents - OATS! - LIVE! and in concert.

Unc'

IT'S RAINING MEN!! HALLELUIA!!!IT'S RAINING MEN!!!!

KG

Another sad scene from the lawn of the old guitarist home. Sometimes Grivvy, like many of the other "residents", can be found wandering the grounds like this for hours. Notice the man in the background with the blue and white checkered shirt. He used to play for Men At Work. At least his family comes to visit. Observe however as his wife clutches her head in anguish.

Grivvy

"HELLO BABY,What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?What's yer si..,oh?you're a libra!What?You're jewish?Love your nails.Your place or mine?"

Bub Ulz

When Lucky (from the Frosted Lucky Charms box) gets paid, he loses the hat, grabs a beer, a smoke, and goes right after the women. Lucky sure knows how to boogie down, doesn't he?

NG

That guy's got the life. He can play guitar, smoke cigarettes, and drink a beer all at the same time.

KG

This is your lead guitarist. This is your lead guitarist on drugs.

Grivv happily prepares for his next urine test, cup in hand.

KG

There's hair on my knuckles! Hair on my knuckles!!!!!

CHANGE THE PICTURE! FOR CHRISSAKES, CHANGE THE PICTURE!!!!!!!

Extreme aversion to sunlight, palor, dilated pupils, are some of the traits commonly associated with drug addicts and Jesuit Underground Dwellers.

G

what aliens see when collecting specimens for anal probing

But I am...I AM NAPOLEON!!!!

unc'

after much debate, judd opens wide to reveal to all that he does indeed have the little punching bag in the back of his mouth

Judd having a hissy fit

SsssTOP IT! You guyzzzz have got it AAAALLL wrong! Thatsth not how it goessss!!! Itss a one a two a THHHHHRRREEEE!!!

Crazy Eddie's prices are IINNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1.21 gigawatts?!!!

fox fringe

Sven takes a...NO SVEN NOOOOOOO!!!

Judd wakes to find that his " clean glass jar" has been cleaned out.

Erich

Judd realizes that the chainsaw has a sharp end.

Distinct lack of tact courtesy of the NG.

Justin finds out for certain that his new piano bench did indeed belong to Liberace himself.

It gets worse people.

Would you buy a used Buggy from this guy?

Infamous Amish oral satisfaction ( "my first facial" ) scene

Amish guy with funny look on his face

KG

"No!!!! Not another caption from Sven!!!!"

Unc'

Action photo of the juddgoboom incedent.

grvz

Judd gets ready for the big "money shot" in his upcoming debut in the amish porno film titled"OPEN WIDE YOU BARN-RAISING WHORE!"

Unc'

Blair Witch Project II. Coming soon to a theater near you.

Unc'

Goddamn paparrazzi!!! GET THAT CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE!!!!!

Lou Costello

"SUSQUEHANNA HAT!!! SUSQUEHANNA HAT!!!!!!!

Bub Ulz

After talking to Miss Cleo, Judd was mortified when informed about the end result of the NY Jets' 2002 season.

THE WOLF HAS LEFT THE CAVE!!!!!

Unc'

There is nothing wrong with that shirt! Why, the king of Hawaii gave that shirt to me HIMSELF!! Makalookai!

Not in that shirt you wouldn't.

Unc'

I like my shirt, and I am hurt,Judd is Ernie, and I am Burt, we are not gay, but lets just say, that if we were, we'd fuck Ben Hur, and when it all, was said and done, we'd fuck your momma, just for fun!

KG and Unc'

Fuck you three timer! Fuck you three times

After Moe and Curly "The Worst Seeing Dogs Ever" took off, poor Judd and Sven were left roaming the pavillion with only the groovy sounds of Barry Manilow to instill a sense of direction... Nice shirt, Sven, you must really be blind.

After Moe and Curly "The Worst Seeing Dogs Ever" took off, poor Judd and Sven were left roaming the pavillion with only the groovy sounds of Barry Manilow to instill a sense of direction... Nice shirt, Sven, you must really be blind.

After Moe and Curly "The Worst Seeing Dogs Ever" took off, poor Judd and Sven were left roaming the pavillion with only the groovy sounds of Barry Manilow to instill a sense of direction... Nice shirt, Sven, you must really be blind.

KG

and Akroyd and Martin thought they were "two wild and crazy guys" - we'll show them Shmoops

NG

Bunch a' squares. Looks like it's just you and me Judd. Whoa Daddy! Hit me with the funk.

Much to Sven's surprise, someone uplugged the electric slide.

Unc'

By the end of the night, everyone was so pasted that they didn't even notice the ape in the middle of the room.

Tonto

Hey that not way ape talk! That way Tonto talk. You calling Tont ape? Tonto very angry!

ape

what you mean by pasted?

KG

funny picture with pasted ape

Bub Ulz

It sho' wuz a wondah dat de Dyer Weed boyz be kickin' it with BoBo like a mo'fo'. Sheeee, ain't no thing but a chickin wang mus' be dat Colt 45. Slap 'em yack 'em to the boodeeyack like a mo'fo'. Catch it wit the juice on the jimside to java-- AAAAWWW YEEEEAAAHHH! Someone said that funk out dah def-- I said 7-up my niggaz! Word expond!

grvz

During the final round of the nose picking contest,it was obvious that BoBo was cheating,therefore enabling BamBam to be crowned this years nose picking champion!

FNG

After waking up next to BoBo, Bubbles decided to never drink Colt 45 again. Ever.

unc

after much convincing from the band, Sven finally broke down and shaved.

FNG

Despite his nasty disposition, the Ape was integral in satisfying the needs of Dyer Weeds "heavier and hairier" female fan population. Thus enabling Bubbles to concentrate on his duties as Keyboardist.

It took 6 months of tears and healing hugs before the band could talk openly about the "orange gorilla" in the middle of the room.

Mr.Grivvy

See?here's the proof,Dyerweed really does practice!!

unc

right turn Clyde

With a nasty disposition and insatiable appetite for Colt 45, Sven's replacement was short-lived.

drunk

I've got a news flash for you Counselor Bob. I saw moe last night singing kariokey at the burg drunk off his ass. I think the tune was "My Way" Don't expect to see him at any more aspca AA meetings. Moe has definatly left the building.

Counselor Bob

You see, there you've made your first mistake. It is well established that alcohol IS a drug! Moe knows this and does not want to condone such activities with this image that is obviously out of context. Moe has done a lot of changing since his days of drinking and drugging and it's not fair to dredge up his past so mercilessly. Remember Moe - one piece of kibble at a time.

Band

I'm sorry, you must be thinking of another band. We're "alcoholics".

aspca

This being the age of PC I hope you all realize that cruelty to animals now includes ridicule resulting in mental/emotional distress. Leave this photo up much longer and we're gonna come get Moe and place him in a home where his shortcomings in the cup management dept. are not fodder for some "druggie" band's exploitative amusement!

Damn it Man!

Can't you see that BamBam is already underworked and overpayed! Give the man a break damn it! Besides, Moe is a handsome dog. It's high time we began to appreciate the simple beauty of this magnificent creature.

Egads Man

How much s@#t can you possibly come up with for a dog with a cup on it's face?

moe

ok now, this is getting embarrassing. would you please change the picture. if i could get this stupid thing off my face, i'd bite you right in the nethers. prick.

Bam Bam attempts to recreate the "string and cup telephone experiment", with limited cooperation from his assistant.

KG

"...well I poured you in my cup, I stuck my nose into the cup, and I drank you from my cup yeah - and then I, and then I, and then I, and then I, got my nose stuck in my cup yeah"

VH1

On the next Behind the Music, the tragic story of a brilliant dog comic and his inevitable downward spiral fueled by bitches...and alcoholism.

grivz

Would you really want to by a used car from this dog?

FNG

Like father, like son. (and some Sangria (yea!) and some Sangria (yea!).........

Jesus Bam Bam, even the dog has to cover it's nose after you use the bathroom!

FNG

Refusing to be out done by a "second rate hack" world famous guitar player and producer Moe the Dog attempts to one up Buckethead by transmogrifying into CupFace.

Bub Ulz

Moe tried in vain to audition for the part of Hannibal Lechter...

Bub Ulz

Moe tried in vain to audition for the part of Hannibal Lechter...

Unc'

Moe couldn't quite grasp the concept of Bamm Bamms "Romper Stompers." (TM. Mattell Ent.)

Moe

Kibbles and Bits my ass, gimme a beer. BamBam where the hell are the chips. Whoa, Curly back that thing up. Are you working out girl? Cause you look goooood I mean, damn......I think I need a little nappie.

Sven always wondered why the beer didn't taste quite right....

oh great...now how am i gonna pick up my ball? hello...anyone with thumbs wanna give me a hand here? anyone???

BamBam mercilessly laughs at those demanding a new caption contraption photo until he hops into his mini and cracks his nuts on the steering wheel. Ouch.

Bam Bam happily waves so long, knowing that it's only a matter of time before he changes the caption contraption photo.

grivvy

Would you really want to buy a used car from this man???

HmHmHm Ha Ha

Last known photo of BamBam Bridge, taken just minutes after posting what would be the last photo ever put on the caption contraption. The coup de gras of a madman. Some say when the fog rolls in you can hear his distant, feindish laugh. HmHmHm Ha Ha

Noted collector of the obscure, BamBam admires his purchase of Herve Vellechaise's hearse.

KG

Bam Bam happily waves so long, knowing that it's only a matter of time before he changes the caption contraption photo.

NG

As Gargamel waved goodbye to the Smurfs they knew they would never see him or their car, ever again

Unc'

Famed stuntman, "The Great Bammolini" will attempt to drive his car through the toilet paper roll, jump over the dog bowl full of gold fish, and into the flaming wall of match-sticks this saturday at the flemington speedway! Don't miss this death defying act!

NG

The last known photo of Brian "BamBam" Bridge just before his first, and last, attempt to become the first man to cross the Atlantic in a go-cart.

NG

Even after extensive back surgery and Physical therapy to return him to an upright position, BamBam refused to sell the Mini and buy a normal car citing "how incredibly cool he looks while driving it"

Last know photo of BamBam, just seconds before the brutal attack by the Oompa Loompas.

Critical Grin

To whoever can't spell Bailey: clown car thing was done already by Unc' 6 captions earlier. Do your homework damnit! Also, I think Bam's audition for Mr. Bean 2 went quite well. He got a callback for Chrissakes. Damnit.

Damnit!Damnit! Damnit!

Poopy98

As BamBam waved goodbye to the people of Liliput, they knew they would never see him, or their car, ever again.

...sadly, BamBam flops miserably in his audition for Mr. Bean 2.

Barnum & Baily

In attempts to boost attendance, Bam Bam was sent on a nationwide tour performing the "clown car" gag

KG

Although his attempts to crap the size of an automobile were fruitless, Bam Bam's effort and attitude were certainly commendable.

KG

Bam Bam has the cunning foresight to have his picture taken with a little car knowing that someday in the not so distant future he will be able to beguile Sven/UncleSloppy into a captioning frenzy like no mortal man has seen previous

Unc'

To compensate for the Heinikan incedent, Bamm Bamm unshrunk himself to 4/3rds his size.

Unc'

Euorbamm

Unc'

Despite having graduated clown college, Bamm Bamm still didn't understand why the car trick didn't work with just one man.

Unc'

Sadly, Bamm Bamm came to the realization that you can not mate man and machine. But, he did have a good time tryin'!

Unc'

Honey, I shrunck the car!!!

uncle

Much to everyones surprize, Bamm Bamm's dream of having the ultimate Match box car collection, became a reality.

Hey Bammie! Where the hell are you going to put Soozie, Moe, and Curly?!

Quick, Robin...to the WeedMobile.

Hey - what the!?! Goddammit! They shrunk the WeedMobile!!!

BURDIE

j'ai deja donne!HAHA. il ne sait pas tenir sa

Ce sont pour mon usage personnel.Je veux unessuie-mains et du savon.Je suis malade.Montrez-moi la langue

KD fingers no mans bunghole

I take acception to that last comment. I have never and WILL never give someone the reach around

Mini-Bub Ulz

Well (much to Judd's surprise), I guess we now know that Karl IS the kind of guy that would f*ck a guy in the ass and HAVE the common courtesy to give him a reach around...

Alvin, Simon,.....Theodore?

Peter Paul and ....MARY?

FNG

Together again for the first time, on one stage, Paul Schaffer, the artist formerly know as Amish Pride, and Willie Nelson unite to sing the worlds most cherished love songs.

God Der

Once...twice...Three times a lady...

KG

Not only were the harmonies sweet, but the audience had never witnessed such an accurate model of the evolution of hair-loss

KG

It's a wonder the good folks at Red Dog rethought what appeared to be an inspiring and effective campaign

WE are the world.....We are the children

Gothem City Times

the Joker, the Riddler and the Penguin reunite for one last benefit show to raise funds for their next evil campaign to get Batman

Old man time is obviously not kind to Isaac, Taylor and Zac.

Judd

I don't think that last one was funny at all!   If you come across a fallin' Judd, be cushiony and soft like mud, be careful not to break his spine, he just might take you out to dine.

BamBam prepares his defense strategy for the next JuddGoBoom incident.

barney fan

Barney rules! I've been singing this all afternoon.

barney

If your happy and you know it swing your beer (clap clap) If your happy and you know it and you really want to show it if your happy and you know it swing your beer (clap clap)

oooohhh look at me I got a big beer I'm all stupid and stuff so shut up

kg

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig finally realizes that by focusing on the steroid problems in his beloved sport he has mistakenly overlooked the dreaded "beer muscles" syndrome so common to the back decks of rural and suburban America.

?

Bam...Bam Bam.

uncle

Get offa my f$^#ing porch! I'm not gonna tell you again!! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! SUE!! SOOZIE! GET ME ANOTHER F#%*ing BEER!!! SHUT THE F@#K UP MOE!! God damn animal!! SUE!! WHERE THE F*&K IS MOES GODDAMN BALL?!! I CAN'T FIND HIS GODDAMN BALL AND HE WON'T SHUT THE F#@K UP!! god damn animal...

Sean Penn

F@#$ing Papparazzi!

The crowd disperses while Bam Bam, inspired by "the Untouchables", shows why the two great American pasttimes, beer and baseball, don't always go together.

grvz

Bam Bam holds on for dear life as he demonstrates his newly invented helium powered self propelled Heineken

RedBeard

Yo Ho Ho and a bottle have taken on new meaning

Mike Piazza

The Mets finally reveal why there game is so off. Obviously the change of bats is not working.

KG

Bam Bam fervently fights off the mutant aliens who have already succeeded in shrinking him to a third of his normal size

budwieser

Bam Bam displays how buying imports also supports terrorism

Following the lead of U2, CSN&Y and other politically-charged bands, BamBam begins his one-man "Batting Against Sobriety" campaign.

Jeeves! Fetch the the water hose! This one is starting to flame out on us!!!

grvz

judd goes into an angry,jealous rage once Karl asked steve to sniff his finger

Judd's audition for the conductor position for the London Philharmonic Orchestra ended abruptly after it was discovered he had consumed 17 ciders before entering the auditorium...

AHHH!! Karl! Like...OH MY GOD! That ring is stunning!! I can't believe Elton asked you to marry him!!! You two are like SOOO perfect for each other!

Sodomy! Sodomy! More fun than it oughta be!

KG

"NO PLEASE, not another pull my finger gag, Bubbles did that already in photo #7!!!!"

Uncle

Looking back on it. Judd and Karls production of Evita wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

NG

Justin reacts after learning of FLUF's (Fascist Lesbians United Faction) true plans for Lisa. Poor Joe fell into a deep coma shortly thereafter.

KISS IT!!!!!!!!!!!

FNG

Gaaaaaack!! ELTON JOHN! Can I have your autograph? No.......But you can kiss my ring.

Bub Ulz

"ACK! (Gasp!) I'M HAVING A... ACK! (Gasp!) HEART ACK! (Snort) AT-T-T-ACK!!!"

KG

Karl "Saltfish" Dietel miraculously realizes that with hair, albeit a wig, he has the power to heal the stricken.

KG

"No Nurse Rachet, I want MY CIGARETTES!!! MY CIGARETTES!!!!!!!!

...and oh my gawd. The ranger was so cute, with a moustache and a hefty aroma of Canoe. Or was it Brut? Not sure, but it seemed to keep the bugs away. Anyway....

We now realize that Sven's Muliple Personality Disorder progressed to the point of manifestations

NO SOUP FOR YOU!!

...and this one time...in band camp...Mus stuck a tuba up my WHOOOOAHHHAAAAAA!!!!!

Those aren't pillows!

Bam

Well, let's see, Mus. A one...a two...a three. CRuNcH! Three licks.

t dawg

YOU GRAB MY ASS??!!

Chris

Put on your "OOOh Face!!"   You gotta see Office Space.

NG

I said, "what I'm looking for is 'satisfied, more or less, MORE OR LESS!

KG

By the smile on Lisa's face one could easily tell that the oral sex auditions were going well.

mus

Hey Bam Bam! How many licks DOES it take to get to the soft, chewy center of Sven's head?

Bub Ulz

Moose, practicing for her upcoming proctology final, decided to check Sven for pollyps. Boy, those hands sure get cold don't they?! Fortunately, Bam Bam generously volunteers to help clean-up...

Uncle

Sven reacts as moose sinks her 6 inch high heel shoe through the top of his foot.

Sure got some perty lips boy SUUUUUEEEEEEE! Squeel like a pig!

You're sure that's not your hand, Moose?!   DOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Management

Due to popular request, the current photo will remain on this page until further notice. Thank you for your support and we appreciate your very positive feedback. Aaargh.

ps - if you have an embarrassing or incriminating photo of your favorite DW member or fan, feel free to send it on over to bbridge@mowthedog.com

No go do something constructive, would you?!?!! Sheesh.

Ifin' you don't change dis here picture I's be fixin' to git my shotgun an' shoot yer ass-- and den my sister will eat yer guts an' ask for seckinds!

"Arrr, a new picture would suit us jut fine Bamalicious"

I've had all's I can stands and I kan't stands no more. Somebody, please God, change the picture.

incestuous love children of popeye... on the next springer.

cock

Why did the mommy not let her son watch the pirate movie? Because it was rated arrrrrrrrrrr (courtesy of Spongebob squarepants)

FNG

.....Porn Star retirees...and you?

She put up a good fight but I think she got the worst of it.

YAR!

Did ye get me good side?

Guess

Faces only a mother could love!!

pppptttttt. Argh, me love. I do declare I just busted me arse and it seems a wee bit wet'n the rears. Time ta Swab the Poopdeck!

Uncle

Welcome to the saturday facial tics anonomous meeting. Coffee is on the right.

f.n.g

YAR, sorry ta hear aboutcher break-up, guv'ner. Have ye ever met me sister? Me mother says she got all the looks in the family.

uncle

Who farted?!?!?!

Bub Ulz

"HEY BO! Whatcha doin' flirtin' wi' my kin? She's the finest piece of ass in five counties ands SHE'S MINE!!!"

KG

Despite their efforts the government could not conceal the fact that something had gone horribly wrong at the Barney Rubble Institute of Genetic Research

KG

Although they had never met before that moment, somehow Stanley and Ida knew they were meant for one another.

KG

"Cut me Mick - as a matter of fact cut Adrian too while you're at it"

Ug ug ug ug ug...

Now I'ves got to takes ya down, Brutus. Olives, gets me my spinach.

You numba fi? You oder pok lo mein, pok fry rice, pok chop suey, pok & brocorri, pok & noodle, pok pok shrimp & pok, pok pok pok pok steak fry pok. POK!

edc

Somewhere there is a village that's missing it's idiot

new guy

....and I've got 9 more just like it.

ker-rack that whip

the raven

after a long search through the outback of new zealand, the missing link was finally discovered

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Bubbles.

Confusious

Man who pee through screendoor strain himself.

Confusious

Man who have fling on bedspring have offspring next spring.

Confusious

Man should learn to masturbate-- come in handy.

Confusious

Man who fart in church sit on own pew.

Confusious

Man who have hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Confusious

Man who have sex on ground have piece on earth.

new guy

when a problem comes along, you must whip it

I'm kkkkrushing your head like a little grape

woman fly upside down have crack up

uncle

Confusious say: He who stand on toilet, high on pot!

Me love you long time

Uncle

ME SO HORNY!!!!!!!!

kamikazegrin

Wang could not conceal his amusement with the prospect of yet another victim to the classic "pull my finger gag"

You bad dancer round eye-- no fucky sucky for you!!!

Bub Ulz

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Peter

HIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

My momma always told me that if I made a funny face-- and someone were to smack me on the back-- my face would stay that way forever. Good thing I wasn't wearing a salad bowl on my head!

"HUMINA HUMINA HUMINA HUMINA"

uncle

I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!

bbgt

"Dah- Can I pet the rabbits George?"

Bub Ulz

WASSSSSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

Munamunah

Doo doo de doo doo

Munamunah

Doo doo doo doo

But I am...I AM Napoleon!!!!

no name guy

Ohhhhh......., you mean I got my name from Michael Jackson's chimpanzee? Thats way better than Don Ho's ukelele.

uncle s.

With my weather machine I will conquer and ultimatly rule the world!!! HAAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

KG

Meanwhile in another part of the world Mick Fleetwood, Ian Anderson, and Loretta Swit are desperately trying to figure out exactly who it was that absconded with their personalities.

KG

Bubbles foolishly mistakes the gig for his audition for the part of Fagan in the musical Oliver. Consider yourself at home Bubster.

goodtimes

Looks like Bubbles is back on the skittles.

I don't know what the hell she said, but it was in FRENCH!!!

BOUILLABAISSE!!!

Bub Ulz:
Alright... who's the f@%*ing wise-guy who flipped over my bar stool while I wasn't looking?

Goodtimes:
SABBATH!!!

It's not a friggin' dress...it's called a KILT! A KILT!! Just because it's longer than your entire body does not make it a dress, you muttonhead.

Uncle S:
On christmas morning, Bamm Bamm opened what was to be the best gift ever.

KOOL-AID!!!

He's got a face only a Muppet could love.

More Parks Sausages mom...

PLEEEEEEEEZE!

...and so there I am, drumming my little tushie off and WHAM!!!!

Juddgoboom!

Goodtimes Daily
Local musician demonstrates his reaction to his near death experience during the "juddgoboom" disaster.

"HEINEKEN IS PEOPLE!!!!!!! IT'S PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

The mama Bam Bam will actually swallow and regurgitate the worm before feeding the baby Bam Bam - the Heineken serves as a tasty chaser for the precious fledgeling

Bam

Where is my damn HAGGIS!? I want my HAGGIS!!. HAGGIS HAGGIS HAGGIS HAGGIS HAGGIS!

haggis.

YABBA DABBA DOOO!!!!!

Get me a SHRUBBERY!

goodtimes
Nurse Ratchet!!! I want MY cigarettes!! I don't want his,or his... I want MY cigarettes!!!

Blame Canada!!

Uncle S.

Still donning the uniform they gave him at Bellview Hospital, A newly released patient find out what life is like outside the rubber room.

99 bottles of beer on the wall? 99 bottles of beer?!? Wait just a friggin' minute here...who the hell's got my other bottle of beer. Dammit, I want answers. If I don't get my hundreth bottle, some heads are gonna roll around here!!! Oh. There it is. Sorry.

One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer...

Uncle S.
I gotta get some style man....

Upon realization that his clothes were way unhip by even the lowest of band standards Sven retreats into his mind where he is a God among men. His only thought to keep him sane: "Middle School Girls, man! I keep getting older but they stay the same age."

When he finds himself in times of trouble Mother Mary comforts he. Speaking words of wisdom, let Sven be ....heeeeee

Tossin Salad!
I sees yous boys aint from round here parts. Yous sure are perty. Let me tell ya'll how we do thangs round here. First I want you to bend over nice a pretty like. Then im gonnas asks you to touch me on my here privates like so. Yeah you boys are gonna work out just fine. Now what i want yall to do is toss my here salad. Tossin' a mans salad is when you put yer tounge on my most inti-mate of areas with syrup or jelly. I prefer syrup.

goodtimes
For just $600 a month you can help feed, clothe, and intoxicate a young man such as this. Please... A sven is a terrible thing to waste

The mean bartender took my coasters away.

barry come home.

smelly
Don't be sad, Herpes is treatable these days. Should of kept your mouth closed.

"How come I don't get a microphone?"

But I don't wanna play Island Time.

You're POSITIVE that was the last Yeungling???

Bub Ulz
Every time Sven thinks about a world without beer he gets really, REALLY mad!

Uncle S.
I ain't got nobody.

Bam
Great...another Christmas, and the same damn thing. Socks, sunglasses, bass strings, shirt and a new pair of dungarees. NOT ONE BARRY MANILOW ITEM IN THE WHOLE LOT! Not a Barry cd, nor a Barry scrapbook, photo or button. NOT ONE DAMN THING!!! You stink, Santa. That's the last letter I'm ever sending you. And give back those friggin' cookies, you fat, pilfering swine.

Underground photo of the infamous oral satisfaction scene, which never made it to the final cut of "Ghost Dad Meets Hollow Man".

goodtimes

Another sinister plot is carried out by the infamous El Guapo when he secretly turns over the bar stools of local musicians.

Wonka

Oompa Loompa Loopadee Doo. I've got another Puzzle for you!

kamikazegrin

"falalalala lalalala"

Uncle S.

Sven and Judd were quietly asked to leave the church choir for being just a little too enthusiastic.

World renowned scientists Franzenstein and D'Annunzenheimer were unaware that their pet blowfish, Bloopy, had quietly crept into the transport pod until it was too late.

goodtimes

Local men Judd Fr'nunzio and Sven D'franze react as Jimmy Summers calls "last call" at the Burns House.

Bub Ulz

After years of working the back alleys and XXX 25 cent porn shops in and around the Tewksbury area, the dynamic duo decided it was best to retire...

Steve

I told you that those worms had hooks in them. But Noooo, you wouldn't belive me.

Wonder Twin powers, activate! Form of...a jackass. Shape of...another jackass!

Ahh yes! Another Barry tune! That is why I dress this way. I am inspired by the Lola character in the song "Copacabanna." I actually perform the song in many drag queen shows down in A.C. Every time I hear that song I pretend that Barry wrote it just for me. He IS my Tony. I am his Lola. Together we will dance like no one has ever danced before. I have dreams of him waiting for me in his Camaro when I get off stage and say goodbye to my fellow showgirls. He wisks me away to the beach where we lay on the sand, listening to the waves crash to the beats of our hearts. He says, "Lola, come with me to L.A. and I will make sure that you never have to worry about anything as long as you live." I say "But, Barry, my life is here. I cannot leave. I am the star of the show!" And he says "Baby, you'll always be a star in my eyes." With that, we embrace in a long pasionate kiss and my heart melts away. "Ok." I tell him as we gaze deeply into each other eyes as though we were looking into a newly discovered universe. "But, Atlantic City will never be the same without me." As the evening wind flows through my golden Farrah Faucet like hair, he leans over and wispers into my ear, "It's a price I'm willing to pay."

My name is Lola, I am a showgirl With yellow feathers in my hair and a dress cut down to there.

Crabs, anyone? Fresh crabs.

Roger Lodge.

"On the next blind date...she's a bass-playing nun from Witchita with a slight facial hair problem. He's a fun-loving singer from parts unknown with a penchant for booze. Will he notice anything awry? Will she be able to charm him out of his fancy pants? Find out tomorrow on the next.. Blind Date"

goodtimes

Judd says: "Worst date EVER."

Uncle S.

Hey sailer! New in town?

goodtimes

I really hate it when Judd makes me wear this.

Diva Sven Franz.

Madcrapper

What?... You think your better than me?

(BURRRRRP!!!!) HEY! YOU'RE KINDA CUTE!!!

Bub Ulz

Ja der herkin jerkin urn mine urkin... Ja Voah! That'll be 10 marks... How 'bout some boulliabais? Der fish wit dein eye und fallen ouff? Ja Voah! 10 mark please...

Warning: consumption of alcolic beverages impairs your ability to drive a car and operate machinery. You may also end up with this in your bed.

Uncle S.

Rapunnzle! Rapunzle! let down your......Yeesh! Never mind!

C'mon. You know you want some.

kamikazegrin

"I just might be drunk enough to go home with myself!"

SWF, 5'10, blonde hair, bloodshot eyes, small yet firm and perky breasts. Seeking SWM, SBM, MBM, DWM, DWI, AKC or AKA for fun and possible long-term relationship. Loves dancing and dressing up pretty. Turn on: large burly man stroking my beard. Call 1-888-FRANZINE.

Ahh yes, I can just picture it now. Barry and I at the Trump Hotel and Casino. Jamming the Copacabana in front of thousands of middle-aged housewives. Maybe one of those crusty flying panties will come my way. Maybe Barry and I will write the songs that make the whole world sing. Maybe I.... What!? Huh? Oh noo! not Island Time!!

barry manilow. now there's a top-notch performer. why couldn't i have played for barry manilow. i know all his stuff...mandy, you came and you came and you came...geez, mandy sure came a lot. barry manilow is great and here i am, stuck with these schmucks. i want barry. sigh*

One time, in band camp...

uncle s.

I HAVE FOUND THE LORD!!!!!

ne day I will answer my calling and don thine habit. This is my destiny. I WILL be Sister Sven Franz and I will jam for the Lord!!! Bless you all.

NO, NOT ISLAND TIME!!! Please...anything but Island Time. How about "I Am Woman"? or even "In the Year 2525"...or "Pac Man Fever"...but Island Time????

Whooh! those rectal thermometers are COLD!

beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans. Beans.

ALL HAIL THE RED DOG!!!!

Ah, Fall. The nip in the air, the cool autumn breeze, and the smell of leaves rotting into a festering heap of black gooey protoplasm oozing out a stomach-churning stench of... Oh wait, that's just Judd's feet.

Ahh,Ahh,Ahh, ACHOO!!!!

"I'm a little teapot...short and stout, here is my handle and here is...Hey, where the hell is my damn spout!?! One of you bastards has my spout and I want it back right now!!"

Uncle S.

"I have to mentally prepare myself in order to be able to catch the flying Judd."

Bub Ulz

A delectable fart indeed.. not too sulphrous with hints of fruit and Yueng-ling!

BamBam

I learned this move at the School of Performing Arts. It's called the Franzian one-hand bass tippy toe pirouette double-spin knock down judd two-step toodloo.

Uncle S.

Ahh! Spring is in the air!

kamikazegrin

Oh shit, my amp!!! I knew I forgot something!

shmedly

Give me a C! A bouncy C!

BammBamm

Jacob, get the hell down from there, you crazy Frenchman!!!

Sooz

Can I conduct and play at the same time???????

KD Fingers