CAPTION CONTRAPTION #80:

boom boom boom

heather

change this picture, i'm sick of looking at myself

Heather shows the ultimate respect for the bongo's by doing the "I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy" thing.

IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER!

heather, how come one's bigger than the other?

Ladies and Gentlemen... Heather LeBongo

Ba Ba Looooooo!

cans

bangin on the bongoes like a chimpanzee

see Judd, I told you I was better at this than Bam Bam...and I have breasts!!!

heather does her best shelia e. impression

You mean if I hit these things they make noise?

Tiring of the life of a corporate lackey, Heather quits her job and starts a Bon Jovi tribute band with Gina (not pictured).

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #79:

I don't have learn english stoopid grinkos I steele de work

I don't have rent a room at this bar because there fresh out of hookers

whatya have? whatya have?

Rodin's lesser known work "The Drinker"

If I had a million dollars, if I had a million dollars, I'd by this bar.

Hey, I may have acted like a dumb-ass, but at least I didn't sleep until ten PM on a gig night...

Spalding-Swilly Incarnate

I want a Budweiser. A Miller Lite. A Yueng-ling. A Bass... (You'll get nothing and like it!!!)

swilly, after a quick grop at the d'annunzio house, races over to a bar where no one will notice his car and hide out there. unfortunately he was to drunk to notice that the bar had been closed for 10 years and insisted on ordering one of the "hot dogs" still turning on the spit.

heh..try and throw me out of THIS bar, fukkers.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm... boogers.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #78:

Due to the sensitive nature of the photo, I request that we change the picture!

Link

Colin, learning from a past mistake, prevents Swilly from staggering away from Justin's parents' house after groping Mrs. D'Annunzio.

colin comes to the realization that, even though he has 4WD, you can't drive very far on the AT.

kg

same ol' shit, different day

In a desperate attempt to save Dawn from the App. trail, Colin did the best he could to stop her!

They don't call him slick for nothin'!

erich

i'm not sure what to say. how you got into this situation, or how you got out of it?

Having failed AA miserably, Colin gives AAA a try.

Obviously a ploy to keep Justin's parents from coming home early...

Dude - Is that my car?

I can parallel park anywhere- this thing turns on a dime

huh. Guess I'll just park it here.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #77:

Grand prize for the three-legged alcoholic heavy-metal saluting sack race: a cordless phone.

unc'

NAA NAA NAA! GONNA HAVE A GOOD TIME!! HEY, HEY, HEY!!!!!

Ummmmm..Justin..You're on speaker phone.

Do you have Jell-o? Do you have Jell-o? I love Jell-O YAYYYYYY!!!11111adsf

It's Ma and Pa D'Annunzio! Thanks for letting us run wild!!! YAYYYY!!!

erich

the red sox won! the red sox won! fucking A. the red sox fucking won!

When It's Satan calling -you gotta accept the charges

When It's satan calling -you gottavyou accept the charges

yippie ka aye yippie ka ohh

Golly! A telephone? That's a f*cking great idea! Who woulda guessed they could do stuff like that nowadays? That f*ucking rules! It RULES!!!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #76:

Unc'

Ok. I'm done.

Unc'

Puerto-rican/Italian Rain Boppers

Unc'

Double-Breasted Mud Hoppers

Unc'

Mountain Aqua Sockers

Unc'

Mid-Atlantic Hydro-Planers

Unc'

Longhaired Ankle Waders

Unc'

Nugroove Puddle Stompers

Unc'

North American Water Wigglers

Just another day at the Easton Vineyards.

Unc'

Pennsylvania Mud Skippers

A few to many free bloody marys gals...

Being forced to dance in the mud puddle by the hoards of DW fans dancing on dry ground only inches away, still couldn't dampen the spirits of some festival-goers.

oh no

I think I may be ruining my pretty hippie dress

Unc'

NO MORE RAIN!! NO MORE RAIN!!!

Unc'

GROUPIES!!!!!

This band sucks - let's get outta here fast!

Dyer Weed Fan Club

more proof that dyer weed fans do drugs. the lovly ladies thought they were ice skating.

burd

yeah.... it's me .. and it is a reason why pot just can't be leagal. But it is beautiful.

burd

in the third demension the old souls pass!!! Or ... is it the fourth?

You guys get all the chicks...

Carl Spackler

I'd keep playing. I don't think the heavy stuff's gonna come down for quite a while.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #75:

The Blizzard of Bubz

"Sharon one of the fucking dogs ate all my bloody anti-deppressants and shit them on the fucking bloody carpet again!"

Just one of the many reasons marijuana use is illegal.

Separated from birth from her fraternal twin sisters (refer to captions 2 & 6), Esmerelda Schmidt is ecstatic to learn that they are both alive and well living in a cloister in Belvidere, NJ.

Cpt, Douche

For the caption I missed: Madonna's Boob was really just a very small woman.

twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours ago...

BOOOOOOO! We want Grivy the Angry Drunk Dwarf, BamBamBooey, Stuttering Sven, or Justin Quivers-- not this Howard Stern rip-off!

hey now!

Unc'

Hey Robin, nice cans. Have sex with me! HEE HEE!! Shut up Jackie.

Tiptoe through the Burns House. By the Burns House, that is where I'll be. Come tiptoe through the Burns House with me!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #74:

I've found Jesus. He was Under my Hat the whole time

Erica hides her face from the 'caption contraption that has lasted too long'...

the last thing we need around here is another dick head.

I can get you off the naughty list (wink,wink)

No, No, I don't bake cookies. You'r thinking of those dorks at Keebler.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses

Garden Gnomes gone Wild: Spring Break.

Honorable citizens of Califon. We must rid ourselves of the Heathen scourge that is DyerWeed. Woman, OUR beautiful white woman are being seduced by the devils music and turned into lazy Hippies. This CANNOT stand.

WHITE POWER!

This used to be Christian's nose warmer. You like?

We come from France.

ok, so the picture's fuzzy. then again, so is my memory of putting this stupid thing on my head. leave me alone.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #73:

Bubz

Sven prepares to bury this caption photo in the archives of Caption Contraption history...

green acres is the place for me. Farm livin' is the life for me. Land spreadin' out so far and wide Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside.

heh guess I was too slow for the work release program caption.....:)

Unc'

Ah yes! The ol' NCP forced labor program, where day in and day out we slave over the production of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. No wonder those two hippie dudes are soo rich!

Bubz

Sven during his recent stay at the Northampton County Labor Camp.

Sven is all smiles after his experiment in marijuana cultivation yields better than expected results.

nobody will figure out where i buried her, and i can't believe that i actually got the insurance check.

Sven revolutionizes the concept of labor as we know it by creating the combo position of gardener/mailman.

Bub Ulz

Sven will reap what he hoes... in caption 21, that is!

the new american gothic revised 4th edition.

once again sven missed the concept when asked to go and get a hoe.

Well I'm gonna to go then! And I don't need any of this! I don't need this stuff, and I don't need you. I don't need anything except this and that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this rake. And this envelope, the rake and the envelope and that's all I need. And this pair of glasses. The rake, the envelope and this pair of glasses, and that's all I need. And the shirt. The rake, and the shirt, and the envelope and the glasses. Well what are you looking at? What do you think I am, some kind of a jerk or something? And this! And that's all I need.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #72:

bambam

my wife ran away with tarzan. how can i ever show my face in public again. wait, i've got a great idea...

tastes great. less filling. nice hat. dopey drummer.

Luke...I am your father. I am an alcoholic. Your mother is embarrassed to be seen with me, so I where this beer box on my head.

The bitch that beat Ken

What is 8 - Some you have to look very carefully.

Start 2 captions below

Bam Bam : "I have a beer box on my gourd"

Alex Again (do I ever shut up?)

Keep in mind that our researchers, diligent as they might be, are stoned out of their gourds. Not to mention the fact that instead of heads they have gourds!

Alex Trebek

Our contestants will be happy to learn that since that Mormon fuck-bag Ken has been defeated we are pleased to be able to use our more risque subject matter without fear of litigation concerning cultural bias. Now for the Final Jeopardy question in the subject of Dyer Weed history : The number of caption contraptions featuring Brian "Bam Bam" Bridge that include beer or beer paraphenalia.

follow up

complete with the appropriate speling

The white tras version of the guy with the hat from the Fat Albert Gang.

dammit i hate when i post without scrolling down.

Bub Ulz

The invisible comic tries to revamp his old act, complete with a sponsership from Miller Brewing Company...

Kang & Kodos

no when we see drunk people wearing a beer suitcase on their head, we don't waste our time trying to read those minds.

Unc'

I wear this on my head to keep the aliens from reading my mind.

Awlright Judd- if you say so, I wish we drank something that came in bottles though.

We are the Knights who say "Lite Beer"

The unknown comic, embittered by years of mediocrity, tries to hide his identity, as the really, really unknown comic guy with a box on his head. Sadly, Chuck Barris would have nothing to do with him.

Well, it ain't a lampshade, but it'll just have to do

the return of Bammy Langston.

GONNNNNGGGG!!!!

It's not easy being a comedian. I mean, you try to entertain people, and all they do is laugh at you. I remember deciding to become a comedian at a very early age, when my father took me aside and left me there. But anyway, I love being in showbiz, because you get to have sex all the time. Just the other night, I had sex with a model. But then the glue melted, and one of the wings fell off. Go figure.

greetings earthlings...take me to your beer store

Faster than a speeding blender. More powerful than a rum & coke. Able to drink a sixpack in a single bound! Look...over in that chair! It's a box...on a head...it's SUPERBAM!!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #71:

next please

Grivy's drunken older brother

With my new patented WileyMoody diaper you can shit anywhere and still carry on intellagent conversation without getting any in your boots

yawn - great pic - just a stumper...whats next

one more indian on the "no-fly" list.

not till he met Sue!

Tarzan, wasn't a ladies man.

sue

Brian, you better sit down. i've got something to tell you. We're in love and I'm going to be Queen of the Jungle!

Tired of a man who conks out on the crapper, Sue opts for a more lively replacement whose claim to fame is being the 'horniest' guy east of the Mississippi... (nice loin clth dude!)

Tonto says rock out..........man.

Jane you slut

Say...what's under that loin cloth, Sue?

Bam

Damn. I knew I shoulda kept the mullet.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #70:

Quagmire:

Don't worry - I felt guilty once, but she woke up half way through

Zell 'give 'em hell' Miller -D Ga

Sir I am outraged by this inter-species marriage. The Good Lord has specified in his Book of Law that marriage is a covenant between a MAN and a WOMAN- not carbon based and poly-carbonate based life forms. I wish we still lived in a day where I could challenge Sven to a duel! Hell maybe if I knock of the Svenster I just might have a chance with that little blondie... I mean, at least it ain't inter-RACIAL or nuthin' barbaric like that.

goodtimes

What did the five fingers say to the face?

Although Svens Love Torso showed him affection and caring he soon grew to miss the intimacy they shared before she was brutally attacked and handicap in a love doll hate crime.

trust me, ken will never find out. only you and i will ever know.

www.fetish-doll.com

Dr. Phil

Sven, I think it's time to talk

goodtimes

"Lets just accept this, and move on" -unc' bonnaroo

Unc'

By the way, If you see her, tell her to call me.

Unc'

Hey, listen. What I do behind the sanctity Of the place I call "Halfweed" is my business and mine alone. Even if it involves a love so true, but yet so wrong that it would make a billy-goat puke in his shoes. Betty Ford Barbie and I go back a long way. It seems just like yesterday that I found her on the street. Cold lonley, and naked, she looked at me with those big blue eyes and I knew it was meant to be. Stait away, I took her home. Torpedoes be damned! And so it is here at halfweed that we have started a new. I look upon her with admiration. She looks upon me with pity. It's a match made in heaven. THE END

listen, she means nothing to me. it was just one night of drunken lust. you're all i want, baby...raggedy ann is over with.

Gigi

Thank heaven for little girls...

ummm

ohhh wee wee...my sweet ...fly with me to the casaba...we will make bea-utiful music together

Unc'

Me with one of the Bush twins

El

Out of work for several months, Sven finally agrees to do Mannequin 3.

even the love doll rejects sven's advances and slaps him in the face.

theirs was a forbidden love affair...

ahhhh the forbidden passion....

Bub Ulz

C'mom baby, you know I love you... let me sweep you off your feet with my womb broom!

Bub Ulz

Sven, divorced for about a year, decides to spice up his sex life using any and all means at his disposal.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #69:

He's a joker, he's a smoker, he's a midnight toker.

why don't they just make 10 louder?

our <invisible> amps go up to eleven.

Oh, you've got to get down to SWINGTOWN. bu duh be dump de bump de bump...

nigel once more

Lick My Love Pump

nigel again

it's a cross between mozart and bach, kind of a mock piece really

[british accent/] In my head I'm playing in F#minor. It's the saddest of all keys really. [end british accent/]

Nigel

Tommy : when I play air guitar the women run screaming. It's because they're frightful, really. I mean look at my trousers. I'VE got an armadillo in my trousers.

erich

i wish that i had my guitar.

The world is stunned to find out that Danny Bonaduce could not play the bass, and in fact was just playing air guitar the whole time.

the pose is pretty cool until you find out he's singing "I Am Woman".

No - used said Duh Duh Duhhhhh Duh Duh Duh-Duhhhhhh Duh Duh Duhhhhh Duh Duhhhhhh!

FIRE!

it's: Duh Duh Duhhhhh Duh Duh Duh-Duhhhhhh Duh Duh Duhhhhh Duh Dah-Duhhhhhh!

smoke on the water. where's my freakin' prize?

Name this tune and win a freakin' prize -- bubz

Duh Duh Duhhhhh Duh Duh Duh-Duhhhhhh Duh Duh Duhhhhh Duh Duhhhhhh!

Full Moon Fever

dude, someone stole your guitar.

Heather...shut up. This is my solo.

either time bandits or americas funniest videos

Yay...Time Bandits is on HBO in 20 minutes!!!

Tommy, you're caption contraption #69. sweet.

First lipsyncing now air guitar - This band really does suck!

Unc'

O.K. I'll admit it. I have no more captions left to say, and the last ones weren't that great. I'm just bored. send help or booze. Sorry, Unc'

Unc'

In what was to be a defining moment in Tommies life, Goodtimes finnaly wins the battle between good and evil and defeates his life-time nemisis Bitterboy as is apparent in the victory dance that ensued immediatly after.

Unc'

Rockin' the H.C.

Unc'

Thomas Devito, Esq. Gonzo lawer.

Unc'

Tommy, we've told you time and time again! No, you can't be in the band!!!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #68:

C'mon dad - pull my finger

Say Juddy, you ever been in a Turkish prison?

Dad I swear I was not lipsyncing - it's called a guide vocal

odor in the court.

what did the judge say

hey pop, what did the judge say when a skunk came into the courtroom?

I'm sure you'll agree with me judge when I say it's time to change the photo.

Mom...I've told you. I don't know what happened to your glass egg. Maybe one of the hookers stole it. I don't know.

Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? Oh, it looks good on you though.

don't sell yourself short judge. you're a tremendous slouch.

so juddy, what are you doing this saturday? nothing judge. how'd you like to come over and mow my lawn?

justin, you should really give up this silly rock and roll pipe dream, and go to law school.

now look you two, I have told you over & over again, No- you can't be in the band.

fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Yo Pops - can you spare 20 bucks??

Well, we really haven't practiced for a while....

Daaaaaaad! Why did you that hat MY gig? Ohmigod... This is like SOOOOOOO embarrassing

Pedro

Who's your Daddy???

it wasn't me. Christian did it.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #67:

erich

i did _not_ volunteer.

this is actually the monkey that came off his back when he quit drinking.

thats not my belly button...well thats not my...ewww...nevermind

is that a juggler standing on your shoulders or are you just happy to see me?

Erich realizes seconds too late that "May I have a volunteer" actually means, "May I have some dumbass who is foolhearty enough to allow a grown man to stand on his shoulders while tossing flaming sticks about his head and torso".

Bub Ulz

I really don't know what to say about this one... kinda wierd... kinda random... hmmmm...

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #66:

i'm full. change the foto. please.

Tik Ulz

Coming down from the bell tower in a rare nocturnal feeding , Quazimodo is captured here, in hi-tech freeze frame photagraphy. Unfortunaely, once this image was captured, the film crew was itself, eaten by the sugar-crazed hermit.

This is just the beginning Tommy. It's gets worse after you get married.

take human bites!

Cups and cakes Cups and cakes I'm so full my tummy aches How sad it must end But I'm glad I've a friend Sharing cups and cakes with me And cakes with me...

kg

No wonder she calls Tommy "her little cupkake"

CA

YUM YUM...EAT 'EM up!

Unc'

On the all new Surviver, Hunterdon County! Heather wins the surviver challenge and is awarded 15 cupcakes much to the dismay of her teamates.

Kate

Yeah, we don't let her out much...

...10...mnnmmgggulp...11....mmeeeehhnngluglg...12....

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #65:

Maaamaaaaa!

I have gooood Neeewwwws tonight, I just save a helleva lot of money on my car insurance... Oy!Oy!Oy!

Taz

Hell Dude, California is a little far, how about the Pattenburg House, I have to work Tomorrow!

born to be wild...

E-Z RIDER

this is my audition photo for the movie,'hells angels 69'.I still think I should have gotten the lead role

Hey I've seen this one before. Griv has to chug a beer after every lap but he falls off his bike and the Chinese guy wins.

Bub Ulz

Youngest child syndrome?

this would be much easier if this thing had a seat.

unc'

Griv, once again, gets in trouble for trying to relive his youth at the local day-care center.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #64:

Dat boy jus kneecaps and elbows!

shan

dozin at the haverstraw

manah, manah. zzzzzzzzzzz. manah, manah. zzzzzzzzzzzz. manah, manah. zzzzzzzzzzz....

Unfortunately Sven misunderstood the officer when he screamed "LAY ON THE GROUND - HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!!"

CP

This website is so boring it'll make anyone fall asleep

you know, that rip van winkle cat may have been onto something.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #63:

...and after uttering the magic words and a snap of the fingers, I shall make Bam's entire lower half disappear! Ready? Alakajuddgoboom!! *snap* Tadaaaaa!!!! Thank you. Thank you.

change the picture!! :)

Man-Man

Whatever God left out from behind he more than made up for in the front, baby!

perhaps you should have worn black. bam bam has no ass at all.

Erica

My ass is not that big...

CP

Hey I think I found one I haven't had.

Hey bammie, your ass a little tender after these last minute Nu Groove preparation(H)s?

mr. x

Look! His ass is almost as big as mine!

kg

Bam Bam got back

boy would I like to get me some of that

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #62:

ebert & roper

we didn't know that christian was directing "make it a double" too.

Unc'

"Make It A Double" The new documentary chronicaling two men who imbibe nothing but alchoholic beverages moning, noon, and night for 30 days and the affects it has on thier bodies, minds, and social life. In theaters this fall. Or winter, or whenever they get done editing.

Captain Kaaaark

These are the voyages of the Starship Sventerprise...It's 10 year mission, to explore strange new bars, to seek out new wife forms and libations, to boldly drink like no man has drunk before.

CA

ha...knew I could start it again...it was just so perfect. You know I love ya'all!

who you callin' retart? Internet fight!

dare I say rolling retards :-*

For just $.50 a day, you can help feed, clothe, and enibriate, the wayward.

Hot Pants and Fabian out 'cruising' again... SSSSSuperrr!

wonder twin powers activate! shape of...a drunk! form of...another drunk! wait...Gleek...come back with our beer, you stupid monkey.

What did the Amish guy say to the Norseman.....

We didn't do it, I swear occifer!!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #61:

oh..my...god. Somebody please, for the love of metrosexuality, call Queer eye.

unc'

Tommy refuses to get off the couch, shower, or eat untill the photo is changed. Hang in there Tommy!

kg

"tonights Devil's game will not be shown at it's regular time as we are proud to bring you the television premiere of Chicken Run"

the devils lost. i can't believe they lost.

Spaceballs?!

Unc'

For just pennies a day, you can help feed and cloth a Tommy such as this. Please help.

Fire your barber.

Shannon

Tommy after the brawl with the Continental Arena security guards when they told him he cannot camp out in the box section for squatting rights at next year's Devils games

kg

joey's brother!!!!!

kg

I feel an intervention coming on!

great..."go to judd's barber", they all said. bastards!

Tired? Depressed? Bored? Having suicidal thoughts? Well, perhaps you may be suffering from depression...

After seeing the CC#60 add on TV, Tommy suddenly feels sick to his stomach!

Tommy has a hangover?

nick nolte? james brown?? pansies! i'll show you a mugshot...

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #60:

unc'

Are you injured? Have you ever been injured? Would you ever consider being injured? We can help! call us now at 1-800-SUE-THEM! We're on your side!

the results of tommy taking a "quantam leap"

Shut the fuck up Ulz

It's a caption-- not Van Gogh, not a social treatise, and certainly not an ode to the Ulz. Go back to whence thee came, hosers.

rid ulz

Tommy Devito as a lawyer - the thought is frightening

pimp ulz

I don't see anything frightening about this caption contraption.

tommy devito

there's no way i'm representing you colin.

Michele

Oh shit, my brother is up to something again...

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #59:

I used to take bearclaws - 2 at a time - and get them lodged in this region right here.

Guess we know who is featured on the next season of Carnival...

will these get me into bonnaroo??

Chris

Dude, those are NOT my hands

they're moobs.

After hearing of Justins new found faith and abhoration of the naked human body, Chris promptly shows everyone his boobs.

moobs.

Must be Spring again!

ng

I don't need a ticket when I've got these babies.

kg

is it me or are all of the recent photos about the revealing of skin - frankly, i am disgusted.

Shortly after bringing in "Chris Canyons" for its biggest promotion ever, the Box Car closed its doors.

hoochie coochi cooo!

and now we know what judd and chris we're looking at way back in caption contraption #55.

Chris with a momentary lapse of cleavage!

Bub Ulz

I'd fuck me... I'd fuck the shit out of me... I'd fuck me so hard...

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #58:

chug! chug!! chug!!! chug!!!!

ugh, must have been a wicked hangover!!

More than a woman... More than a woman to me.

poop

MAN OF LUV

Sweet phat boy SEEKIN LUV

Elmer

alright then sweetheart. I'll see you at 4:30. I'll bring you a bottle of Jack Daniels. And I'll rub it all over my body.

jack...it does a body good.

Unc'

Whiskey muscles? Time to call Thomas DeVito, Esq. At 1-800-GET-BENT!

kg

Yet another disturbing scene from the home for retired Chippendale dancers.

That wasn't a chick - just a different angle of this photo. Scary, ain't it?

bring back the chicks ass

STFU and DRINK!!!!

Bottle of Jack Daniels...$39.99 Daisy behind the ear...$0.99 Not remembering striking this pose but knowing that it will forever be etched in the memories of your closest friends...priceless

WHAT... THE... FUCK?!!!

you should see how he acts at funerals

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #57:

Take out the asshes

dumbass

Hey whats wrong with that girls face?

i like big butts and i cannot lie...

Alphabet enthusiast

we've seen the A, bring on the T !

the rest of us

Joey, this may hurt your feelings, but NO. and your mom feels the same way. (and that goes for tommy too!)

Joey

Anyone want to take MY temperature?

alright...enough of the ass. where's the naked joey picture???

anybody want to take my temperature?

ca

Hey Doc....should I be worried about this?

Ace Ventura

Yeah yeah, I did that like 12 years ago.

Butt

Homer

Mmmmmm...Buns

guess we know who's tattoo it is now.

note to self:

always keep a camera around when the girls are drinking. bam you are the man!

va va va va voom :-)

Erica

It's not fair to get girls drunk when there are cameras around...bam bam, you are in trouble.

Darwin Hefner with a grin

"Sooner or later all websites will evolve into porn. This is the one thing we know to be inevitable."

Now you know what brought about the excitement in photo #55...

New Years Eve at the Round Valley in. Life is sweet.

Wise Ass

Smells like teen spirit

HEY!! I know that ass!! I'd know that ass anywhere!!!!!!!

another satisfied dyer weed listener voices her heart-felt opinion of the new song.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #56:

this would probably be much easier with the cap off.

Chris drinkin' tequila.

Bub Ulz

Santa during the off-off season...

NG

Chris just minutes before his fatal "Big Shoe Dance" performance at the Roadhouse. TEQUILA!!!

Unc'

Hey! This isn't my trumpet!

unaware of the arachnid invasion, Chris runs through his nightly warm-up.

One for you...one, two, thrreeeeeee for me.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #55:

there it is - there it is - THE NEW PICTURE

Unc'

WE ARE TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

judd and chris celebrate after hearing super secret information that the photo may be changed soon.

KG

I'm going to reply to a new picture with the one above.

errantly overhearing "the vest and ironed jacket" for "the jets just fired hackett", the brothers D'Annunzio go ape-shit.

Unc'

Special ed night at the pool hall.

Hey look, a camera.

Bub Ulz

Conjoined from birth, Quasi and Moto, despite their obvious mental limitations, could be made to behave by the little bell rung at the Salvation Army tables. Amazingly, the novelty never wore off...

they showed us their tits! they showed us their tits!

Unc'

chris and judd react upon the discovery that Sven " the mouse man" is still alive.

duck - duck - GOOSE!?

CA

Vodka and grapefruit <pant, pant, pant> yeah - over here

judd

how did my brother get so much taller than me?

well this can only mean brotherly love. one hand in the air, the other...

sadly, when judd awoke, the river sticks did not reopen for business. nor did the jets win the superbowl. it was just another dream.

What?!?!? A picture of Christian and Judd and NEITHER of them is wearing a turtleneck???? It's got to be a fake photo!!

A-ROD! A-ROD! THE YANKS PICKED UP A-ROD!!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #54:

doesn't he get tired after all this drinking and dancing I think we should have one with Sven throwing up and passing out. Or not.

The new caption! Is it coming soon? Is it here? No. Is it there? No. Is it over there? No...

sven comes up with a new dance to go with his favorite song. mahna mahna

Where should we put the sat. dish? I don't know, how abooouuut.....Here?

goodtimes

Sven celebrates after crushing his refridgerator in the beer holding competion. The "fridge" declined comment.

Sven takes a leak!

pepperidge farm remembers.

Crotchety fuck(not unlike say Andy Rooney or that Pepperidge Farm guy)

Why does the caption contraption have to be animated? Whats next - talkies? In my day the image was a still photograph and it forced us to use our imaginations! The captions weren't spoon-fed to us through suggestive motions, we had to search our souls for truth and meaning. And oh how we laughed. Makes me giggle just thinking about it. Because we were funnier in those days. And, as I recall, our hearts were free and true.

Sven auditions for Queer eye for the straight guy.

Longing for happier times Sven frantically searches for the image of him drinking beer which has mysteriously disappeared from the previous entry.

Young man there's a place you can go - I said young man when you're short on your dough - You can stay there and I'm sure you will find - Many ways to have a good time. - It's fun to stay at the C.M..T..r...p?? DAMN. I never could get this part. I'm going back to the bar.

Friends don't let friends drink and mime.

Unc'

Its over here! No, wait! I saw it over there. Maybe its there? Gotta be here! Damn it! where the hell did I leave my bass ?

manah manah - do do be do do - manah manah - do do be do - manah manah - do do be do do be do do be bedobedobe do do do do do

ng

the real reason flight 549 never made it off the runway.

CA

Beer makes be feel like dancin' - gonna dance and drink the night away- Beer makes me feel liek dancin'

KG - you fuunny!

ah ah ah ah stayin' alive stayin' alive

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #53:
please wait...images loading

can we wave goodbye to the .wav file yet?

just one more little drinkey Scotty. Whaddya say. Okay maybe a couple-a-twenty more little drinkeys. GODDAMNIT I CAN"T CONTROL MY ARM!!!! JANE GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING!!

it's actually a .mov, or .wav file, not a picture. If you want to get technical. Maybe if you ask Bam to change the .wav file, you'll have better results.

Sven

Listen, if you don't change this photo, at this rate, I will surely drink myself to death... in or around 2037...

Sven's Liver leaps from his body in protest while we wait for Bam to change the photo

etc, et al.

he drinksawhiskeydrink, he drinksavodkadrink, he drinksawhiskeydrink, he drinksavodkadrink, he drinksawhiskeydrhe drinksawhiskeydrink, he drinksavodkadrink, he drinksawhiskeydrink, he drinksavodkadrink, he drinksawhiskeydrink, he drinksavodkadrink, he drinksawhiskeydrink, he drinksavodkadrink, he drinksawhiskeydrink, he drinksavodkadrink, he drinksawhiskeydrink, he drinksavodkadrink

if bam doesn't change this soon, sven may just get drunk

sven takes a leak, sven takes a leak. hi-ho-the-dairy-o, the sven takes a leak.

goodtimes

This is the content of my nightmares after my shift at the Burn's.

.....you see, I rubbed this lamp I found in the attic, and a genie came out and granted me one wish. Thats why I just keep drinkin' out of it, but it never gets empty.

ng

Lisa, I'm going to just keep doing this until the words that are coming out of your mouth start to make sense.

unc'

Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!AhhGulp!Ahh!!Gulp!AhhGulp!Ahh!!
Gulp!AhhGulp!Ahh!!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!
Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Gulp!Ahh!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!Gulp!Ahh!

why we now have to pay for our drinks at the pattenburg house, example 3-a.

goodtimes

In an ongoing fued, Sven makes a foolish bet with his refridgerator that he can hold more beer. The toilet is anxiously awaiting the outcome.

unfortunately, judd forgot to tell sven that beer wasn't free for the band.

99 pints of beer on the bar

CA

BURRP!

Sven's other repetative hand motion

Bub Ulz

Like sand through an hourglass, so are the days of Sven's life.

Unc'

Chris is visibly upset that he can't get served due to overdue tabs while Sven receives beer after beer after beer from the bartender.

Unc'

...and keep em' comin'!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #52:

Yo Bammie! Pretty please with a cherry on top... Change the fucking picture!

If you don't say please, Bam will never change the photo. How can he change the photo if you don't say please!?

CHANGE THE PHOTO!!!

For Christ's sake Bam, change the photo!

unc'

Christian tries best to describe, through hand gestures so as not to offend too many people, his favorite pastime.

Christian

"Judd, YOU SUCK!"

kg's quadruple combo

While morphing into a duck-billed platypus at the Gap, the prospect of seeing the checkout girls tits gives Christian the irrepressible urge to demand croutons at the top of his lungs!

Obviously inebriated beyond reason, Christian made quite a scene at the mall and shamefully upset an embarassed check-out girl when he launched into a spirited "Show your tits" chant in order to break the monotony of the holiday lines at the Gap.

kg

"WE WANT CROUTONS! WE WANT CROUTONS!"

KG

After being forced to participate in a series of diabolical experiments Christian is alarmed to find himself morphing into a duck-billed platypus.

KG

Christian voices his vehement disapproval of the new Spring line of casual wear at the local Gap.

Shan

I truly appreciate the Hackett comment!!

aaaaand......ACTION!!

ERICA - get down from there!

HACKETT...YOU SUCK!!!!!!!

RIIIIIICOOOOOLLLLLLAAAAA!!!!!!

Erica! What the hell are you doing? Hey! That's my best friend...

mom!....judd drove his truck into the house again!!!!!!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #51:

Michelle! Remember this?

no...not another mind eraser

and just what exactally did elliott see? making him run from half-weed house, never to return again.

Eliott suddenly realized he caught his gnards in his zipper!

Hey baby, take me home please

I think he is ready for a road trip!

the one-eyed wonder worm

pretty boy?!

Unc'

Elliott walks into the bathroom only to find Janet Reno on the can.

Judd....I told you to go put some clothes on

eliott suddenly realizes the cabbage n' coffee combo special from busy bee was not a real wise choice.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #50:

...and the horse.

K "eric roberts" G

"...dey took my thumb Charlie! Dey took my thumb! And my forefinger, ringfinger, and pinky Charlie!"

goodtime

Hey Billy...do you think we could play till..oh I don't know...ONE!!!

Gee Judd, Tell us how you really feel. Now, don't hold back, we know how you have a hard time expressing yourself.

fuck me. fuck you!

Hey Iraq!

Awwwwwww, Judd is having a tender moment

Bub Ulz

But I want Rabbit-- NOW! You guys suck!

Level Ground? F#$k Level Ground. Kamakazi with a Grin? I hate that song. You guys know Kenny Rodgers right? Alright Islands in the Stream on three.....

Bub Ulz

Pick a winner, buddy?

with this finger I will rule the WORLD!!!!

fuck you

shit...you think it's big now? it came out to friggin' HERE before the surgery!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #49:

....Bam was never seen again, but he managed to take this photo before GAAAAACKkkkk.....

total milf

milf

lookey here, we cought us a live one.

blah ha ha ha ha ha ha

doesn't she have such pretty blue eyes...

ONE HOT CHICK

the downside of edible cameras

In an unexpected turn of events, Michelle learns that your face can become frozen while making funny faces.

Bubbles! Elliot! Remember this?

TONSILS!!

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #48:

more Duff please..

and ponders...and ponders...hey lets go to festivus already!

Bamm ponders.

Bamm, although your crusty mug is a never ending source of amusement, I have to ask you please, for the sake of the children, change the picture.

mmmmmmm...beeeerrrr

perhaps bam would be so sad if he changed the picture.

Sigfried battles depression as his life-partner, Roy, clings to life

saddened by his casino losses and the utter disappointment of the "the magic of sigfried and roy's brother bob", bam turns to alcohol for comfort.

erich

cheer up bam. here i've got something to make you smile, listen to this recording i got of sven trying to get the crowd rocking by singing mahna mahna.

k "dead guy from Sublime" g

Bam drink two beers in the morning, he drinks two beers at night, he drinks two beers in the afternoon, it makes him feel alright, he drinks two beers in times of peace, and two in times of war, he drinks two beers before he drinks two beers, and then he drinks two more!

unc'

Bamm version of a field goal

ng

I don't understand it. I have 2 beers, twwwwooooo beers. And I'm still lonely. Sometimes the world just doesn't make sense.

Ahhhhhhhhhh ain't got's nobahhhhdy, nobody, cares for me,nobody, nobody. Ahhhhhhhhhh'm so sad and lowwwwwwnly, sad and lonely, sad and lonely won't sweet momma, come and take a chance with me, cuz I ain't so bad.

Bub Ulz

---NOTICE--- At Mr. Naguy's request, please now refer to all handicapped adults by their title-- either units or, simply, tards.

Dorkus.

What up home fries? Yo' cheesy a$$ is bacon me mad as hell. Normally I'd put a mushroom cap in yo' a$$, but omelette dis one slide. Cuz I'm reeeeaaaaallly hungry.

erich (again)

hey bam is that an amstel bottle in your cheek or are you just happy to see me? <P> can you tell i've been in the snow alone too long?

erich

the first rule about internet fight club is don't talk about internet fight club. and bam, it works better if you put the bottle in your mouth instead of trying to push it through your cheek. although the piercing would make quite the ice-breaker...

Unc'

Listen bud, I'll spell it anyway I want to! Internet fight!!!!!

kg

"libations" with a b - maybe a little grammar/spelling correction can start a fresh rhubarb - by the way, Bam, you got somethin' on your face.

bitterboy

"How come nobody told me we changed our name to the Rolling Retards?"

unc'

bamm ponders his existance in a world without livations and sadly frowns at the thought.

NG

Man, things were just starting to get good. Internet Fight!! Internet Fight! Internet Fight!

CA

Buck up Bam...theres plenty more where that came from!

menage a trois ala Bam

the management

due to the controversial nature of caption contraption #47, it has been deactivated and replaced by a picture of a sad fellow with two empty beers. are you all happy now?

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #47:

kg

Alright, what the hell is going on here? It sounds like tension but to be honest it's hard to decipher who is directing what at who? Someone is offended about retard references, someone is quoting stripes, someone's a douche-bag, and I don't even understand the rabbit thing ! Can't we all just get a bong? In the future, identify yourselves and state your grievance clearly if you have one. If you're just trying to be funny, you reserve the right to anonymity. I personally wrote the "rolling retards" one and I apologize to the retarded community for comparing them to Sven, Bubbles, and the FNG. Obviously a very provocative photo Bam, well done.

Man I have so much respect for you right now and your anonymity. It's easy to be douche when have it. My name is Bill by the way. Bill Naguy. Did I mention that you were a douch bag?

lighten up francis.

Can we pet the rabbits?

Dipshit, Lapdog, and Guppy enjoy a cold beer at this years Elks benefit where they represented the newly formed biker gang "Rolling Retards". goober, slurpy and spaz...the retarded pep boys. Are you trying to be funny? Or just incredibly insulting? Because only one is working and it sure as hell ain't funny. So from the 3 of us to you, go F#$k yourself.

goober, slurpy and spaz...the retarded pep boys.

NG

The three stages of drunken-ness (is that a word?) Happy, so happy I'm silly, I'm out of beer and I want to kick someone's ass.

just not stirring those creative juices...

erich

bam, you're sure if we pose for this picture it won't end up on capton contraptin? well then ok. smile boys...

After a mere couple of months of living with Sven, Elliot and Bubbles degenerated into a drunken viking-like existence-- minus the raping, I mean, do you really think these drunken clowns could actually get it up?!

Bubbles: Hey Elliot let's see if we can each fit a thumb up Sven's ass at the same time! Elliot : That'd be awesome!! Sven : Hey you guys, let's the three of us pose for a picture!

Dipshit, Lapdog, and Guppy enjoy a cold beer at this years Elks benefit where they represented the newly formed biker gang "Rolling Retards".

F "Hey, who the hell is this frank Jones" G

Three dudes with absolutely NOTHING else to do but hang out at the Elks............Yep, that about sums it up. Alright then, I'm going to Porters.

PIGPILE!!!

chip betcher

this is not Riverside Jam boys!

worst caption contraption ever.

hears no evil. sees no evil. smells like farts.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #46:

whack-a-moron.

Bub Ulz

After coming to the realization that all the caption possibilites had been exhausted in just six tries, he punched Sven in frustration and changed the photo.

Sven, get that g***d*** drumstick OUT OF MY ASS!!!

Rodney "kg" King

Can't we all just(inanimate objects included) get along?

bam punches sven. sven breaks hand. priceless

using sven's face as a prop, bam demonstrates the correct way to punch a refrigerator without breaking your hand.

sven quickly realizes the harsh consequence of coveting thy neighbor's beer.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #45:

Unc'

Nice referance to # 7 K.G.

ohmigod...they wouldnt think of putting that pic of me and the garbage can on the website...would they

CA

my god - what is Justin doing over there with those boys

El'Capitan

YOU!You are the one who stole my sacred ice cream bar!Now you must DIE!!YOU DON'A FUCKA WID ME MAN!!!Joey,Bambini,take this bubblehead for a ride ,then put him on ice!

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Not me.... couldn't be then who? YOU!!

KG

Bubbles cannot conceal his embarassment for Grivvy who insists on bringing back the "pull my finger gag" last seen as far back as caption contraption #7.

Unc'

Did you hear what he just said? I think he said he was gay!

SLAPPOW!!! I done tolt you twice BEE_OTCH!!

My God! Dave has really, really grown! He must be at least 7 feet tall!

jorge

Look Out Everyone! I think he's gonna hurl!!!!

when bubbles finally comes out of his drunken stupor, grivvy points out to him what he actually did in caption contraption #44.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #44:

take out the garbage...again?!!? aw FUCK IT!... hey now...

and bubbles parents never wondered why he didn't complain about having to take out the trash.

Gump

Bubbles is as Bubbles does

Shan

You know Brian, I could understand if she had bigger boobs, or she was younger, or taller....Jesus Christ what am I saying....your fucking a garbage can

Shannon, she means nothing to me really. Sure I had sex with her, but i make looooove to you baby.

That Bubbles! He sure is a keeper!

AWWWWWW, Bubbles looks so happy!

Unc

Garbage dick

Wow. I must have thought that post was really, really, really, really funny.

ng

Hi, my names Bubbles. I like pina coladas, long walks on the beach, and the occasional humping of the garbage can. Call me.

ng

Hi my names Bubbles, I like pina coladas, long walks on the beach, and the occasional humping of the garbage can. Call me.

ng

Hi my names Bubbles, I like pina coladas, long walks on the beach, and the occasional humping of the garbage can. Call me.

ng

Hi my names Bubbles, I like pina coladas, long walks on the beach and the occasional humping of the garbage can. Call me.

Sexually frustrated??

bam, can you stop taking pictures and help me. i think i'm stuck.

Unc'

On the next Reno 911!

always wear a rubbermaid.

after several failed relationships, Bubbles throws his love into the trash. literally.

erich

well if you close your eyes, you can never tell the difference.

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #43:

hey mister, if you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9....geez mister.

Hey Judd - Look out some-body's coming!

erich

just wait till you see what's going on behind the wood pile.

you think that war wound was cool wait 'til you see this.

Say Billy, you ever notice how little Scraps will grab hold of your leg and rub up and down?

Say Billy, you ever been inside a Turkish prison?

kg

you are all very twisted individuals with evil brains

"assets" hehe

erich

so have you ever heard of NAMBLA?

fng

That doesn't look like candy mister.

Robo

Hey kids look at this inch-worm!

Cae

so billy, you like movies about gladiators

erich

Judd once again proves that you can dress him up, but you can't take him out.

Kid 1: "Look Billy! A real live pervert!" EEEEEEEWWWWW! Kid 2: "I saw bigger in Boy Scouts..." Kid 3: "Hey mister, you mind not facing traffic-- you could get arrested, you know... and I'd have to lose this champagne I swiped from my old lady..."

Unc'

Swordfight anyone?

"Stay back, Joe! That snake's poisonous!!"

Hey kid, check out my WMD!

Judd has learned from bitter experience only to compare "assets" in no lose situations.

CAJ

“so Billy – have you ever seen a grown man naked?”

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #42:

erich

honest Mrs. D'Annunzio we have no idea what happened to your lovely centerpiece.

Bitterboy

This guy needs to clean his f-ing pores!

i wonder if i can grow mushrooms like this

huh...i thought i planted tomatoes.

Unc'

Just one of the many side-affects of xanex

Goodtimes

We've secretly replaced this man's Heineken with all new Miracle Grow.

It's a message...it means Lou Cabrazzi sleeps with the daises

fng

This is what happens when you are the first person to pass out at a "coming out" party.

Recently kicked out of the " Magic Garden" Joey took his revenge by eating the "giggle patch"

obviously, Joey took a tip toe throught the tulips and a graze through the daisy patch

obviously, Joey took a tip toe throught the tulips and a graze through the daisy patch

Bub Ulz

If you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your... MOTHER OF GOD!!! What the f*ck is THAT!!!

Hello Joey, how's it goin? I've come to watch your flowers growing...passed out at the guest table...do do do do feelin groovy

CAPTION CONTRAPTION #41:

Justin took the name "testeverde" literally and began throwing big green balls

I told you! No more watermelon, goddamnit!

KG

J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets

JUDD

Whoever wrote the "frustrated" one is a genius after my own heart (as opposed to someone elses heart).

TOUCHDOWN!!!!!

FNG

...in the largest, and certainly the most shocking merger of the season, Ralph Lauren aquires the San Francisco 49ers, forcing the players to wear the new fall line of designer mens suits. When asked "Why San Francisco?" Ralph Luaren simply replied "Do you really have to ask?"

Namath he ain't

Bub Ulz

Inspired by the aerodynamic design of Lamar's javelin (Revenge of the Nerds), Fabian designs a shot-put in a mild chartreuse-- perfect for his limp-wristed style...

Frustrated by the insubordination of his liver, Judd decides to chuck it to the wayside.

Judd models the NY Jets 2003 "Well-Dressed but Still Shitty" practice jersey.