Dyer Weed - The DW Page of Utterly Worthless Crap...really...

This page is dedicated to providing our readers with the most diverse collection of WORTHLESS CRAP ever assembled. This page will hold anything that spills into our spam-filled inbox which we deem as WORTHLESS CRAP. We truly hope you enjoy the WORTHLESS CRAP we've made available at this site and encourage you to send us your own WORTHLESS CRAP.

Entry #32 - 09/13/07:
Bam gets a taste of his own medicine when he's photo-shopped by Jarod B.

See, this is the kind of crap I have to clean out of my mailbox every week.

Entry #31 - 07/18/07:
Sven rides a duck. Do you even want to ask? No, you don't.

Entry #30 - 05/30/07:
Hola! Drunk in Mexico, BamBam tries to recruit new band members. Eeediot!

Entry #29 - 04/18/07:
Wink Fever! No...we have no idea why. Bored graphics guy is the best we can figure.

Entry #28 - 03/16/07:
Deep thoughts. OK, not all that deep. Just below the surface, really...

- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- What disease did cured ham actually have?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
- Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural
- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
- If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
- Why Does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
- Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Entry #27 - 11/17/06:
New, from BAM-CO^TM, it's the Mad Mike Marionette! Just three easy payments of $19.95, while supplies last.

Entry #26 - 09/20/06:
More entries from the yearly neologism contest from the Washington Post, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Entry #25 - 01/05/06:
Popeye's Mom

Somebody sent us this and we just thought it was funny. Hey, don't blame us - you're the one who took the time to link to a page called "worthless crap". What the hell were you thinking?

Entry #24 - 09/13/05:
More new additions to the English language.

Some of these may be repeats, but what the hell. I had to add something new to this crappy page to keep people interested. Just call me an ignoranus, if you wish.

1. Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
2. Reintarnation (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
4. Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
6. Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
7. Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
8. Inoculatte (n.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
9. Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness.
10. Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease.
11. Karmageddon (n.): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido (n.): All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
18. Ignoranus (n.): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Entry #24 - 03/09/05:
Bert is Evil!

One of the all-time classic websites is back! Actually, maybe it never even went anywhere and I just kind of forgot about it. Whatever. This site uses photo evidence and in-depth interviews to prove once and for all that Bert is Evil!

Entry #23 - 11/30/04:
The Annual Neologism Contest; courtesy of LA's Nancy N.

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are...

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Entry #22 - 08/25/04:
Actual statements (so they say...) from court records. Think about these if you need a lawyer any time soon.

You know, good emailed crap is getting scarce around these parts. Aside from the stale McGreevey jokes and phony pictures of huge Iraqi brain-sucking spiders from hell, there just ain't much to choose from. This one's kinda interesting, though:

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

Entry #21 - 01/26/04:
Amazing photo from the Mars Rover (not to be confused with Uranus Crawler)

Wow...has it really been 4 months since I put anything in here?? To tell you the truth, I completely forgot about this page and all it's crappy contents. So, here's more. This is an actual photo from the Mars Rover! Amazing stuff!!! VIEW PHOTO

Entry #20 - 08/29/03:
Totally useless facts! Courtesy of Bubbles' parents and everyone else who's gotten this crap in email.

1. The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."
2. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
3. Almonds are members of the peach family.
4. The symbol on the "pound" key (#) is called an octothorpe.
5. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle. (show me your tittles!)

6. Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
7. The word "set" has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
8. "Underground" is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters "und."
9. There are only four words in the English language that end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
10. The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.
11. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.
12. The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikim-
aungahoronukupokaiwenuakitnatahu, a

New Zealand

hill.
13. Los Angeles 's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, " L.A. "
14. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
15. Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
16. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
17. Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
18. Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
19. The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint -- no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
20. Steely Dan got their name from a sexual device depicted in the book "The Naked Lunch."
21. A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
22. The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II, who fathered over 160 children.
23. There is a seven-letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
24. Dueling is legal in

Paraguay

as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
25. John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show," was the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."
26. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
27. It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
28. Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them: a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
29. The male gypsy moth can "smell" the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8 miles away.
30. The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.
31. "Stewardesses" is the longest English word that is typed with only the left hand.
32. To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
33. The combination "ough" can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough ; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed."
34. The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
35. Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning, "containing arsenic."
36. Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian seal for that reason.
37. Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
38. The word "Checkmate" in chess comes from the Persian phrase "Shah Mat," which means, "the king is dead."
39. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
40. The first episode of "Joanie Loves Chachi" was the highest-rated American program in the history of Korean television. "Chachi" is Korean for "penis."

Entry #19 - 05/07/03:
These are supposedly actual statements from insurance claim forms, once again proving that there is a tremendous glut in the dumb-ass market.

- Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
- The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention.
- I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
- The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him.

- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother in law and headed over the embankment.
- In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
- I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident and damage my big end.
- As I approached the intersection a sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I stuck a pedestrian.
- My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
- An invisible car came out of nowhere, stuck my car and vanished.
- I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
- The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run. So I ran over him.
- I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
- The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
- I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
- The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out the way when I struck the front end.
- The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
- I knocked over a man, he admitted it was his fault as he'd been knocked over before.

Entry #18 - 02/04/03:
Strange laws around the world! Just some silly junk someone emailed us. Who knows if these are actually true or not. Who cares.

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may onlysee their reflection in a mirror.

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also appliesto undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered witha brick or piece of wood at all times.

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time...Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish stores.

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first timethis happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

Entry #17 - 11/22/02:
Totally useless Dyer Weed facts, volume 3!

- Bubbles has a 6" taint
- Judd really REALLY likes Hanson
- If you move your meat, you lose your seat
- Moe calls all the shots
- Eliott thinks Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake are all very talented
- Colin stole the Jim Beam...
- Grivvy peed his pants and was (dishonorably?) "discharged" from the military
- Bam Bam has more mudslides in his pants than his blender, which is alot
- Sven sucks.
- Everyone pees themselves sometime
- Judd tried to remove his penis with a chainsaw. He was not successful.

Entry #16 - 10/9/02:
A quick peek into the mind of Bam Bam

He's so mysterious and complex. What could he be thinking right at this very moment? What journey will we experience in this glimpse into his mind? Click the camera to see the wonders of Bam Bam's world!!

Entry #15 - 10/1/02:
OK...we admit, the first time around was a hoax. Our online camera was just a silly picture of a monkey. This time, though, we've really done it!! The camera really works!!

For best possible image, please look to your right for 10 seconds. No need to take your glasses off, if you wear 'em. If you don't, then perhaps you should. After 10 seconds, click on the camera image on the right.

Entry #14 - 7/16/02:
Learn to Dance! Introducing the Judd D. Dancer Instructional Video^TM from Dyer Weed Industries (in conjunction with K-Tel)

Courtesy of Soozy

Step 1 - Jump on right foot, raising left foot to waist height
Step 2 - Wave left arm high into air, with right arm dangling around waist
Step 3 - Reverse steps 1 and 2
Step 4 - Continue dance by rapidly repeating steps 1-3
Step 5 - Spill your drink and step in it.
Step 6 - Order another drink, whilst repeating steps 1-3

PLAY
VIDEO

Entry #13 - 7/09/02:
This is amazing! A new bmp imaging software advance has allowed for the transfer of visual images from your screen to our server. We can automatically take your picture!

Courtesy of a guy with alot of free time.

For best possible image, please look to your right for 10 seconds. Use your left hand under your chin if you think you may get tired posing. After 10 seconds, click on the camera image on the right. Cool!!

Entry #12 - 6/20/02:
Turn yourself into a South Park character at the SP Gamesweb. Sure, it's all written in German, but you'll get the hang of it

Courtesy of the Wartooth


BbbbAmMMaAy!	'lil Sooz

Entry #11 - 5/23/02:
Sven shows off his infamous snowblowing technique. Neighbors are always impressed.

Courtesy of Sven

Nice trajectory,
Mr. Franz

Entry #10 - 5/07/02:
Just when you thought our website was ridiculous....

Courtesy of Wartooth

Go to this link. The Pillsbury Doughboy needs a poke in the belly!
http://www.mattmarino.com/animation_sample/boy.html

Entry #9 - 4/24/02:
Times in history when the F word was appropriate

Courtesy of Soozy's mom (no kidding)

- "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
- "How the @#$% did you work that out?" - Pythagorus, 126 BC
- "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
- "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
- "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" - Picasso,1926
- "Where the @#$% are we?" - Amelia Earhart, 1937
- "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
- "What the @#$% was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima,1945
- "I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the head!" - JFK,1963

Entry #8 - 4/4/02:
This is an actual email that came back to us when we sent out a recent mailer...

Courtesy of some angry guy

PLEASE TAKE US OFF YOUR E-MAIL (starts out pleasant enough, doesn't it?)

YOU ARE THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY STUPID BAND ON EARTH WHAT A BUNCH OF LOSERS GET JOBS AND A LIFE CAUSE YOU SING AND SOUND LIKE SHIT.

Now I take offense to that...some of us actually do have jobs

Entry #7 - 4/4/02:
Totally useless Dyer Weed facts, volume 2

Assembled by Sven

- Bubbles, Sven, and Grivvy, in a drunken frenzy, had an hour-long mock Kung-Foo fight at a party in Oldwick. The girls were so impressed, they left.
- Bam and Sven, being the easily amused children that they are, found a trampoline at a party and jumped on it all night long untill Sven almost killed himself and was ordered to stop by the owners.
- Juddgoboom more often than we know.
- In their quest for a christmas tree, Judd and Sven went to a farm, cut one down, threw it in the back of Judds pick-up, and took off. Upon arriving at their final destination, they began to back the truck up to the door. It took them a second or two, but soon they realized the tree was no longer in the back of the truck. They backtracked for a while until they found it about a quarter mile from where they had picked it up. They still have a good laugh about it to this day.
- Grivvy has a radio in his head.
- Before each gig, the band forms a human pyramid. After which, they all collapse onto one another and yell, "Damn the torpedoes!!! Full steam ahead!!"

Entry #6 - 4/2/02:
Ebonics word fo' the day

Submitted by Judd

Today's Ebonic word: OMELETTE

Let's use it in a sentence ....

"I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide."

Entry #5 - 3/22/02:
Just a silly little joke

Courtesy of Soooozy

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.

He asked the centipede, "Would you like to go to Frank 's with me and have a beer?" There was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede' s house and shouting, " Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me? "

A little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I 'm putting on my freakin' shoes!"

Entry #4 - 3/19/02:
Totally useless Dyer Weed facts, volume 1

Assembled by BamBam after an evening at Miller's Tavern

- Dyer Weed once played the Safety Dance in its entirity (we think)
- Yeungling is the DW rehearsal liquid of choice, except for Judd, who fancies the foo-foo cider beverages
- Sven spells his name with an S, followed by a VEN.
- BamBam is almost always inebriated when working on this website
- DW is actually quite good at Jeopardy, though Wheel of Fortune presents problems
- DW once played as the "White Black Widow Band"
- Grivvy's real name is not Girabaldo Montalabonosta
- Bubbles knows no French, though he REALLY enjoys hearing it.
- Our last recording session fell victim to a night full of Heineken and poker
- Judd played an entire song at Rockafella's with his pants down.
- The bouncers at Rockafella's are not particularly fond of Judd.
- The Breeze Inn is a scary place.

Entry #3 - 3/19/02:
Only known photo from Sven's latest camping trip - Courtesy of Sven Franz

(click photo to enlarge...although I don't know why)

Entry #2 - 3/18/02

"Twenty Ways to Tell Someone their Fly is Unzipped"

Who knows where this came from. Who cares?

20) The cucumber has left the salad.
19) I can see the gun of Navarone.
18) Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is out.
17) You've got Windows on your laptop.
16) Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave.
15) Your soldier ain't so unknown now.
14) Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
13) You need to bring your tray table to the upright and position.
12) Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...
11) Your pod bay door is open, Hal.
10) Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!
9) Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod.
8) Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir!
7) The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
6) Dr. Kimble has escaped!
5) You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary."
4) Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction...
3) You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2) I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it?
1) I thought you were crazy, now I see your nuts.

Entry #1 - 3/17/02

"Top Reasons to Go to Work Naked"

Courtesy of some guy that goes to work naked, I suppose...

-No one ever steals your chair.
-Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
-Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.
-People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
-You want to see if it's like the dream.
-To stop those creeps upstairs from guessing if you're wearing any panties.
-"I'd love to chip in, but I left my walletin my pants."
-Inventive way to finally meet that specialperson in Human Resources.
-Gives "Have you seen my floppy?" a whole newmeaning
-Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna seeyour ass in here!"

All contents including lyrics, photos and music ©2001 by Dyer Weed. All rights reserved.
All original artwork ©2001 by B. Bridge. Images may not be duplicated or modified without written consent of owner.